


Sweetest Devotion

by DKSculder



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, MSR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-10-17 14:18:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10595745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DKSculder/pseuds/DKSculder
Summary: Mulder discovers a dark, hidden truth about Scully's past, questioning everything about their partnership and whose side she's really on.





	1. My Light

SCULLY  
2000

“What’s wrong, Scully? You look sick.” She mentally scoffed at the question. She was sick, for reasons he wouldn’t yet understand. For her to tell him what was truly wrong, she needed to work up the nerve to get through what she came here to do. Her only hesitation was that he would never forgive her, and she desperately needed him to be by her side right now. Her life was a mess, and it was her own doing. She was the only one he trusted, and she betrayed that in every way possible. He looked at her worriedly, awaiting her response.

“I don’t know what’s wrong.” Another lie.

He invited her inside, caring for her with his gentle demeanor that only she had the pleasure to experience. That’s what made this so hard. This confession, 8 years too late. She didn’t regret her choices, only that he wasn’t part of those discussions along the way. He had the right to know, especially now.

“It’s not worth it, Scully.” Damn him. Damn him for amplifying her conflicting thoughts. She already felt guilty, his tenderness only feeding her doubt.

“Oh, Mulder, I’m going to be fine.” She wanted to believe that, though with her truths coming to light, she didn’t know how much justification that statement held anymore. Without him, she felt lost. She hated feeling that kind of dependency on someone, but they’ve always been that way, two halves of a whole. She only hoped, prayed, that that connection was strong enough to not let him stray too far when she was done here tonight.

“Maybe they’re right.”

“Who’s right?”

“The FBI. Maybe what they say is true, though for all the wrong reasons. It’s the personal costs that are too high. There’s so much more you need to do with your life. There’s so much more than this. There has to be an end, Scully.” He couldn’t be more wrong. There was nothing right about the FBI. She learned that one through firsthand experience, the losses she suffered, that they both suffered. There was nothing right about that. There was nothing right about what she did, letting him carry unnecessary guilt all these years, letting him mentally deteriorate.

His words echoed in her ear, he was right. There needs to be an end, and this was theirs. At least, she hoped he would see it that way. In order for her to tell him how she wanted this to end, he needed to have all the facts first. It had to be his choice, and not just off an obligation. Whatever he chose, she had to live with those ramifications. She only did this to herself.

She let out a heavy sigh, not wanting his arms to ever leave her, but knowing it wasn’t fair to him. She had given him this sense of false hope...no, not false, perhaps lacking truth. Despite her head spinning, her stomach churning, she turned over, facing him.

One look into those comforting, hazel eyes and her nervousness rose to new levels. He was so trusting, gazing at her as if she were the only thing tethering him to this world. Looking at her like she had every answer to every question he’s ever thrown out into the universe. In a way, she did, but not like he would suspect. He cuddled into her further, their noses touching. She could feel him breathing against her mouth, her lips parting in anticipation of his kiss. Perhaps their last. No, that wasn’t fair to lead him further down this path without knowing the secrets she’s held onto for too long. She pulled back just as his lips brushed hers, causing his brow to slightly furrow with an unspoken question. She removed herself from his embrace, her heart instantly sinking as if she could already feel him leaving her emotionally as well. With a deep breath, staring at her hands, she began what she should have 8 years ago.

“Mulder, there’s something I need to tell you. Well, two things actually, but I need to tell you one before the other.” She fidgeted with her hands, knowing that what followed could potentially make the most important person in her life, leave. It was never supposed to end up like this, never supposed to get this twisted.

*****

1993

“Agent Scully, was your assignment not clear?” Chief Blevins asked, annoyed by her findings written in her final report.

“No, my assignment was clear, but as you can see, Agent Mulder’s findings were what ultimately led to the capture of Eugene Tooms.” She was defiant, defending him, her partner.

“You weren’t sent in to agree with him, you were sent to justify his work, scientifically invalidate these ridiculous theories.” Blevins tossed the report on his desk with a huff, perhaps she wasn’t the right person for the job.

“Which is what I did, to the best of my ability. The fingerprints found at the scene matched those from former unsolved cases.”

“It was noted that Agent Mulder had to digitally alter the fingerprints, which I wouldn’t count as conclusive evidence.”

“I agree, but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that they matched.” She said, squaring her shoulders. She needed to maintain her stance on this, not concede to the reprimand she didn’t feel she deserved. “If you doubt my work, perhaps you should consider assigning another agent as Agent Mulder’s partner.” It was the first time she tried to leave, not dig herself any deeper in something she wasn’t sure she could come back from.

“Please remember, Agent Scully, that you are not his partner, your assignment is only temporary. You will stay on his detail, so long as you remember what you’re really doing here.” He said with a glare, a suggestive tone in his voice. She was sent to debunk his work, make him the official joke of the bureau. It was something that didn’t sit well with her, but she was there to do a job, personal feelings that were slowly forming pushed aside, for now.

He was beginning to trust her, after their first case, baring his life story to her that night in his motel room. He had comforted her in a way she didn’t realize until after the fact. That first case was exhilarating, connecting the pieces of the theories running through his mind. It challenged everything she’s ever known, and that’s when she knew she couldn’t uphold what she was originally sent in to do. His theories, though outlandish, led them to discoveries she never in her wildest dreams would make.

After the Tooms case, there was a shift in their partnership. She defended him, and he saved her. Though he may have not truly trusted her just yet, conflicted feelings as he felt she was a spy, sent in to shut him down. She was, and she remained that for longer than she’d ever like to admit.

*****

2000

“What is it, Scully? What’s wrong?” He asked, she could hear the sincerity in his voice, still unable to meet his eyes.

She shut her eyelids tight, holding back the tears she could feel threatening to escape. His hand went to reach for hers, and she recoiled. He held his hands up, mocking surrender. She knew she was making this worse, the silence lingering around them, amplifying both of their nervous energies.

“Mulder, I never meant for this to go on as long as it has. It should have never happened, but the further it progressed, the deeper I buried myself, and eventually I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t get out.” She began to explain in a hushed voice, scared of her own confession. She turned and watched his facial features relax, but not in a satisfied manner. His eyes widened, and she immediately knew what was running through his mind. How could she reassure him of the way she felt if she had been lying to him for so long? If there was anything she needed him to believe in right now, it was her.

“Scully, if I pressured you, or - or this…I thought we were on mutual ground with -” He began to stammer, questioning every little step they’ve taken in their relationship this past year.

“No, Mulder, no.” She reached to cradle his face in her hands, her forehead resting on his. He was genuinely confused, she could tell that much. She knew the feeling. This was harder than she thought, but he needed to know. “I’ve never doubted how I feel about you. I need you to believe that.”

“I never questioned it, but Scully, what’s going on?”

“Do you remember, in the beginning, when you accused me of being sent in to spy on you?” She asked carefully, still holding his face. She felt him flinch, stiffen under her touch. He pulled himself back to meet her eyes, seeing the tears brimming.

“Yeah…” They’ve had this discussion, and she had assured him that she wasn’t part of anyone’s agenda. Even when he brought it up later down the road in their partnership, she swore to him that she was just here to do her job, there were no sides. She couldn’t remember which number lie that was, lines had blurred so long ago.

“There may have been some justification to your accusations.” Her words were cryptic, and she could sense him beginning to get annoyed, the paranoia setting in. She gave him about another 5 minutes before he began checking her blood to make sure it wasn’t green.

“May have been?” She winced, his tone of voice was hurt, not yet angry. She was thankful for that, though she knew it wouldn’t last.

“I’ve still been filing my reports, on the x-files...on you.” The last two words escaped her mouth in a whisper, choking back the sob daring to escape. She needed to hold herself together to get through the rest of this. She needed him to understand.

He was quiet, she could feel his stare burning into her as she refused to meet his eyes. He was completely still, but she could hear his breathing change, holding back the rage flushing through him. She fidgeted with her hands, finding them particularly interesting at the moment. The silence was murderous, her worst fears coming to light as he processed her words.

“So all this time, you’ve been working for them?” She let the tear escape, there was no running from it. She knew who ‘them’ was, and she indeed had become their puppet over the years.

Every time she tried to escape their grasps, they threatened to tell him the truth, expose her lies. The first time they did this, he had just traded her life for his sister’s, and she knew he couldn’t handle that on top of everything else. It was a test, a test of his loyalty to her, and she knew it. She marched into their offices, demanding to be taken off his assignment, begging that they not keep torturing him this way. It was a plan of action not thought out very well, because she exposed her hand that day, revealed her weakness. She cared for him, too, and they played on that. They informed her that if she tried to leave, or failed to deliver in depth reports of each venture he took them on, then her truths would be revealed. So she filed another report, detailing their latest excursion. It was how they managed to stay one step ahead of them along the years, her being their intel. Over the years, she stopped including the more personal quests, the ones that were done off the bureau’s dime, giving them both some kind of solace to hold onto. She had betrayed him enough, and tested her limits plenty of times along the way. Losing the detail as she tracked him down to Puerto Rico. She faced a lengthy reprimand for that one, ultimately leading to her abduction.

“In a way, yes...but the lines for me were blurred a long time ago.”

“Blurred like you didn’t know who to lie to, me or them? Or blurred because you knew you’d get caught eventually, and needed some kind of reassurance that I wouldn’t just leave?”

“No, Mulder, that’s not -”

“Scully, save it. I don’t even -” He groaned, burying his head in his hands, not believing what she was telling him. The tears flowed freely, it was breaking her heart, to see him like this.

“I never meant to hurt you.” He scoffed, shaking his head as if he were dismissing her words. She reached out to touch his arm, and he shrugged her off.

“Don’t, I can’t handle that right now.” His words short, tone hurt more than anything. He finally turned to look at her, really look at her. She could feel him stare deeply in her soul, as if he were searching for any kind of certainty in her words. She held his gaze for as long as he would allow, silently pleading for him to understand. It was a small action, a twitch of his eyebrow as his face softened in the slightest, and she felt a wave of relief wash over her.

“I needed you to know.”

“Why? Why now?”

That was the underlying issue here, why she was choosing now to tell him. It wasn’t because she felt it was time to reveal what she’s been hiding all these years. It wasn’t because she had had enough, and couldn’t keep doing this to him. No, though those causes were intertwined with her ulterior reason for this discussion, it wasn’t the main motive. The real purpose of her revelations was a stick that was marked positive sitting in the trash of her motel room.

She knew that the minute they found out about the baby, they would be a target. They had explained to her that her DNA, as well as Mulder’s, had been altered along the way, and they believed they were both immune to what was coming. There were discussions about if she were to reproduce with a child mixed with their genetics, it could do great things for them. She argued that she couldn’t have a child, no thanks to them. The cigarette smoking bastard had grinned at her, telling her that she tried too soon. She could conceive now that she had the vaccine.

But this child, the child she was carrying, their child, wasn’t created with hormone injections and plastic cups. It was created from a lonely night, and the need to feel loved. The need to be reassured of their growing relationship. He was so tender, so deeply in love with her when they made love, she cried herself to sleep quietly that night as his arms were wrapped around her.

“Because there’s something else we need to discuss, but I needed you to know the truth before I tell you this.” Another scoff. He repeated ‘the truth’ like he’s never heard the term. Shaking his head at her words again, not responding, she continued. “I need us to be united on this.”

“I don’t know if I can...be united on anything with you right now. I feel like I don’t even know who you are.” His words escaped his lips in a breathy whisper, causing her to gasp at his admission. This wasn’t supposed to happen, it was never supposed to be this complicated.

“Mulder, I’ve never lied to you about us. That’s all been real.”

“How do you expect me to believe you?!” He shouted at her, the first time she’s ever seen him genuinely angry in her direction. It terrified her, to think she could really lose him. “Everything I’ve ever known has been a lie. You worked with me, against them.”

“I know, and trust me, I paid the price for defying them over the years.”

“So what? Your conscience just couldn’t handle it anymore, and you’re deciding to come clean before they told me the truth?”

“Yes, and no. I needed you to know, before -” She paused, there’s no way she could add on to his already bruised emotions. He would feel obligated to do the right thing, or not believe her at all. God, she hoped that wasn’t the case.

“I don’t know what to say right now, but I think you should leave.” The nausea in her stomach began building again, a mix of nerves and morning sickness that liked to linger around all day. Before she could stop herself, she leaned over the side of the bed, reaching for the waste basket to empty her stomach contents in. She could hear him let out a heavy sigh, the mixed emotions running through his mind as he laid a gentle hand on her back, comforting her, despite his pain.

“I’m sorry.” She managed, after the dry heaving stopped. She was dizzy, and dehydrated, not up to moving at the moment, but knew she needed to give him his space. His warm hand remained stroking soothing circles on her back, his way of making sure she was at least okay.

“You should get some sleep.” His voice was monotone, void of emotion. She simply nodded, the back of her hand still pressed to her mouth. She moved slowly out of his bed and towards the door, feeling him follow her. Just as she stepped outside, she turned to say something, but the look in his eyes stopped her cold. He had never looked at her with such anger, such disgust and disbelief. It was like he had slapped her in the face, ripped her heart out of her chest. She sighed, supposing that’s how he felt in this exact moment. He shook his head, silently asking her not to speak, not to make this worse.

The sound of his door closing in her face echoed the emotions of her heart breaking into a million pieces.

* * *

MULDER  
2000

He didn’t know how to feel, he was just numb. Everything he thought he’s ever known, the only answer he’s ever had, was a lie. There was no way for him to process her words, other than to take them for what they were.

She lied to him, all these years together were a lie.

He had been betrayed by everyone who he’s ever let into his life, but never expected it from her. She was the last person he thought he ever had to be concerned about in that way. He needed answers, but he wasn’t ready to face her again just yet.

How could she do this? How could she work for the very people that were against him every step of the way, the people who repeatedly tried to destroy him, destroy them. Though, they weren’t really against her the way he thought they were. Everything they’ve ever been through began to run through his mind, trying to decipher what was real, what wasn’t. He didn’t know anymore.

He wanted to believe that not everything about their partnership, their relationship, was a lie. He wanted to trust that somewhere, her feelings were genuine. He knew they were, he could see it in her eyes, but he wasn’t ready to trust her again. He wasn’t ready to just push this aside, he couldn’t.

His mind was whirling, mixed emotions running through his heart, conflicted feelings. Mentally laughing to himself, he found it funny that she’s the only thing he never looked for. She waltzed into his office all those years ago, turning his world completely upside down. She challenged everything he questioned, and he had her to thank for the ounce of sanity that he was able to hold onto all these years.

He had called her his constant, his touchstone, and she had reciprocated those sentiments. Thinking back to everything she’s said to him, he began to question when her so called lines started to blur. With a deep sigh, he settled in his bed, arm stretched out behind him, replaying the last several years of his life.

*****

1994

“Mulder, I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you.” He didn’t know how to react to these words, this kind of confession. All this time, he had presumed her a spy, only here to shut him down, no real obligations to the x-files.

She had proved herself along the way, little things that made him feel like she was truly on his side. Her words rang in his ears, causing his feelings to begin to lean more one way than the other.

He shrugged her admission off, using his normal deflection mechanism, adding a joke or an innuendo. She saw right through him, and he knew it. It was unnerving, how well she could read his mind. It was almost refreshing, that he could have this connection with someone.

He knew he was in trouble, early into their partnership. Not the usual trouble he found himself in on some drunken nights in the bar, but the kind of trouble that he knew wouldn’t be easy to come back from. She was a light, in the darkness that had consumed his life. She opened his eyes, validated him and his theories. She was his personal validation for existence, giving him everything he never dreamed he could have.

*****

2000

After he spent hours replaying every conversation they’ve ever had with each other, he was still at a loss. Nothing made sense to him, she wouldn’t do this to him. He told himself over the years that he didn’t have to look for clues about her behavior, or words. He trusted her completely.

They had slight rifts along the way, but either one or the other always made an effort to mend what was temporarily broken. Usually it was somehow his fault, though he began to doubt that as well.

He wondered how much of what happened to her was a consequence of her retaliation against them. Her abduction...Melissa...Emily. They all affected him just as greatly as they did her, and though it was never addressed out loud, she knew that. He couldn’t just sit here, waiting for his answers to come. He needed to find them himself, and he knew exactly where to start.

It was well into the twilight hours when he began to pack up his things, trying to remain as quiet as possible, not to wake her through the thin walls in the motel room next to his. He knew she would try to stop him, and he needed the space away from her at the moment.

Just as he was shutting the door as quietly as possible, leaving his keys in the room as a silent check out, he heard the door open behind him, his back facing her direction. He paused, hand still on the knob, a deep sigh escaping his lips. He didn’t want to do this right now.

“You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question, a statement of the obvious. He couldn’t look at her, couldn’t meet her eyes. He could feel her staring at him, feel the wariness of where they stood radiating off her.

“I just need some time.” He said with a deep sigh. She watched his shoulder slump, unable to see those bright, blue eyes glancing back at him.

“How much time?” Her voice wavered, and he shut his eyes to hold back the mixed emotions running through him. He was angry, hurt...sorry. He wanted to hold her to him, never letting her go. At the same time, he didn’t want to be in the same proximity as her.

“I don’t know. I’ll be in touch.” Before she could protest, he walked away, disappearing into the night as he walked towards the car. He had no concern about how she was getting home, clearly she could take care of herself.

He drove, for hours, miles, no clear destination in his sights. He didn’t even know where to begin. Perhaps he should have forced more answers from her, but he genuinely couldn’t be around her right now, feeling himself weaken with every wide-eyed expression she flashed him.

Another thought popped into his head, him so angry in the moment that it never even crossed his mind. Her cancer. Was her cancer back, is that why she was sick? Shit, he needed to turn around. Would those bastards have made her ill again just because she threatened to expose their best secret? He hit his hand against the steering wheel, hating how much he still cared. He knew, in his heart, that not everything about how she felt was a lie. He wanted to believe that she was truly conflicted over the years, challenged them. He desperately wanted to read her notes.

He neared the motel again in the late morning, nervous about approaching her room. His hands shoved into his jacket, he removed one only to knock. Once...twice...nothing. There was no answer, and his nerves began to rise. Mentally chastising himself for leaving her in his moment of anguish, he jumped into action, kicking the door open.

It was empty.

Her belongings were gone, the room cleaned, like it had been untouched for hours. He went into full panic mode, knowing her disappearance was his fault. What if they took her, because she told him the truth? He could only imagine that they were keeping a close eye on her. He pulled out his cell to make the call he was dreading - not ready to talk to her, but needing to know she was okay. Straight to voicemail.

He tried to control his breathing, not let the panic wash over him. He bolted out of the room, trying her cell just once more. He startled at the motel manager walking towards him, coming back to his surroundings.

“Are you Fox Mulder?” She asked nicely enough, staring at him with a puzzled expression, noticing his jumpy nature.

“Uh, yeah…”

“Here, this is for you. It was left by the woman you were with when you checked in.” She handed him an envelope, Scully’s familiar scrawl on the outside, his name staring back at him. He nodded his thanks, holding it in his hands as if it were the most delicate thing in the world.

He situated himself in the car, taking several deep breaths before mustering up enough courage to open the letter. Could it be the answers he needed, the answers he was looking for? He wanted to know what she knew, what else she had been hiding from him all these years. He opened the folded paper, memorizing every word on the page.

_Mulder,_

_I want you to know how truly sorry I am, but understand that what I did all these years was for us. I know you may not believe that, but in all the times you’ve asked me to believe in which I cannot see, I need you to do the same for me now. I knew, hoped, you’d come back, receiving this letter to assure you that I am okay. I needed time to handle everything as well, and then I will return home._

_I hope to see you soon, there’s more we need to discuss. Things that will impact us on another level._

_With all my love,_

_Your Scully_

He was angry, that she would just throw these words around as if he weren’t hurting enough. She was confusing him, or maybe he was confusing himself, but she didn’t have the right to make these kinds of declarations. Not now, not yet.

He made a few more calls, booking his flight back home before he could start on his next quest. His true quest for even more answers than he originally sought. There were things that he couldn’t ask her, not that he thought she would lie to him, but he wasn’t ready to give her that kind of trust again. There were questions that he knew she would be uncomfortable answering, and only one person had those responses for him. Someone he had no clue how to begin looking for.

When he arrived back in DC, he circled her apartment building a few times, checking to see if she was home. He was cautious about her now, wanting to make sure she didn’t just vanish, but not ready to live a happy life as if nothing happened. Everything changed.

It seemed as if she wasn’t home, which he didn’t know if that fact made him relieved, or more terrified. Letting out a heavy sigh, he parked and made his way inside, he just needed to reassure himself of something, anything.

When he opened her apartment, it was dark. He entered cautiously, calling out her name on instinct. He knew she wasn’t home just yet. Using his investigative skills, he began to look for clues of her betrayal. Perhaps things he would have just glossed over any other time he was here, never suspecting her of this. He rummaged through the papers on her desk, opening drawers and mindlessly digging...for what? He didn’t know. The movement of the desk caused the computer screen to light up, knowing it was against his better judgement, he unlocked it, and began to search.

He scoured over files and files, nothing jumping out at him as suspicious. She was smarter than that, to leave her reports on him out in the open, easy for him to find. The flashing of headlights through the window broke him from reverie, causing a moment of panic as he jumped up from the computer. He grabbed his jacket that had made its way strewn over her couch, and bolted out the front door, taking the exit on the opposite end of where she would be entering. He knew she would sense his presence in her apartment the minute she stepped inside, but it wasn’t a main concern for him at the moment. She was safe, and that’s all he needed to know.

The next day he made his way to the office, needing to collect as much evidence as he could. He trudged along, more a loner now than he ever was before. He occasionally glanced in the section of the office that was considered hers, mixed sentiments surging through him. He threw his pen across the room, groaning as he placed his head in his hands.

“Agent Mulder.” Skinner’s voice made him jump, his head whipping up to meet him with wide eyes, a guilty expression on his face, and he didn’t even know what he did yet.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Is Agent Scully not in yet?” He asked, glancing around the room for any sign of her being there at all. He had received a message that she would be late, no more detail, and he didn’t ask.

“She - uh, no.” He managed through gritted teeth, Skinner catching on that something else had happened between the duo.

“Well, there’s some people that want to speak with you…” He said cautiously, stepping into the room further, Alex Krycek and Marita Covarrubias entering behind.

He couldn’t handle this, on top of Scully. He lunged forward, wanting to kill Krycek right where he stood. Skinner held him back, attempting to control him in his angry tirade. He finally calmed down, agreeing to speak to them, or at least listen for as long as he could manage. Another thought popping into his head, they may be just what he needs to get to the cigarette smoking bastard.

He sat there, jaw clenched, absorbing what they were telling him. Returning to Oregon wasn’t something he had planned, to be honest, he wanted nothing to do with the place after what he just went through. He felt rather than heard her as she approached the office, eyes wide as she saw what company they had. She met his eyes after glancing around the small space, and he could see the panic setting in as she began to lick her lips nervously. They weren’t here about her, but he wanted her to worry for a few moments longer.

He led her out to the hallway to catch her up on why they were truly here, maintaining as professional of a demeanor as he could. She was always the one who was able to push her feelings aside, detach herself from the situations, void of personal feelings. He watched her face as she processed what he was telling her, finally nodding in understanding.

“So you’re going back to Oregon?” Her voice was quiet, almost as if she were afraid to speak to him. The hard features of anger were no longer visible on his face, at least not in her direction at the moment.

“No, they can handle it there. I need to, do something else.” He said quickly, realizing that she may try to stop him in his plan of action. He watched her brow furrow in the silent question, relaxing and eyes widening as she realized exactly what he was thinking.

“Mulder, it’s too dangerous for you to -”

“Scully, I need answers. I need some kind of concrete assurance to keep me from going completely insane. You had your chance with them, now it’s my turn.” The words escaped his lips with a bitter taste, and she winced before sighing in resignation. She knew she couldn’t stop him anymore.

“Will you -” She paused, and he could tell she was battling her own inner demons. “Will you at least call me, when you are safe?”

He let out a heavy sigh, hating how much he wanted to kiss her forehead, reassure her that he would be just fine. He hated how much he wanted her to be by his side for this, anger flushing through him again as he remembered she wasn’t exactly by his side all these years. He clenched his jaw, pursing his lips to think of a proper response.

“Just call the Gunmen, I’ll keep in touch.” That was all he could manage at this time. He wasn’t exactly denying her request, just altering it to accommodate for his emotions at the moment. He watched her face fall as she tried to hold back the tears threatening her eyes. He couldn’t give in, not now. Turning away from her, he only stopped when he heard his name in the smallest voice he’s ever heard from her. When he turned, he sighed at the look in her wet eyes, wide and filled with a heavy apology. There was more that she wasn’t saying just yet, but he didn’t want to know.

“Please, just -” Her eyes didn’t leave his, holding his gaze, trying to convey her true sentiments wordlessly. “Be careful.”

He simply nodded, not thinking she deserved more after everything she's put him through. He met with the others, agreed to help them in whatever venture they were currently on, but only if they took him to Cancerman. Marita said he was dying, so he didn’t know how much time he had, and he needed a lot of answers.

He bypassed a few loaded questions from Frohike about why Scully wouldn’t be joining him, to keep him in check. He let them know that he would be in touch with them every step of the way, and to let her know that he was okay, but not to reveal his location. He could feel the judgement through the phone, but they wouldn’t understand. No one would.

His car ride was silent, not even the cracking of sunflower seeds could be heard as he drove by himself down the long, dark road. Mentally laughing to himself, that seemed like the perfect metaphor for his life. A dark road, no destination in sight, no ambition or reason for him to continue on his journey. That changed, all those years ago, when Scully walked into his office. She was his light, his beacon for hope. Now, she blended right back into the darkness that was shadowing his mind.

He pulled up to a seemingly normal house, seeing a few windows illuminated by the dull glow of lamps. Figuring there was some kind of intensive security, he had the Gunmen virtually stake out the place, giving them the cue when he arrived to dismantle the alarms long enough for him to sneak in. Sneaking around the back, he managed to slip in a back door, thanking the guys and letting them know he would call once he was out.

Lurking around the corners of each room, he stopped when he heard his name being called from down the hall. He had been expecting him. Mulder squared his shoulders, turning to follow the voice, the voice that haunted him to this day.

* * *

SCULLY  
5 Months Later  
2000

She began to gather her things for another mundane day of work. The exhaustion was settling in nicely, small naps becoming part of her daily routine. Her phone began to ring, and she let out a heavy sigh, knowing it was either her mother, or work, before she even had a chance to walk through those doors.

Resting her hand on her protruding stomach, she answered, an annoyed undertone to her words. It was her mother, she should have known. After her emotional outburst this last weekend, she’s been calling her every day just to ‘check in.’

“I’m fine, mom. I’m just tired…no I’m not working myself too hard...I’ll call you later tonight.” It was the same conversation she had every day. Every once in a while, her mother managed to slip in a casual question about Mulder, even more so since she found out her barren daughter was pregnant with what she could only assume was his child.

Struggling to button up her top, sighing in defeat, she figured she should just settle for a sweater. When she was finally done getting ready, she gathered all her things, hurrying out the door before she was late to work.

She nearly collided with him, her breath catching in her throat as she saw him positioned there. She hadn’t seen him, even spoken to him, since he left her standing there in the bureau hallway 5 months ago. Her only reassurance was that the Gunmen would occasionally call to let her know that he was at least still alive.

“Mulder…” Her voice was only a whisper, unable to believe that he was truly standing there, in the hallway of her apartment building. She could only imagine the expression on her face, eyes wide, surprised. His features looked softer, relaxed. His beard had grown a little unruly, his hair a little longer, but she could still see the warmth in those familiar hazel eyes.

“Hey, Scully.” He said with a small smile teasing his lips. She missed that, not realizing how much until she watched the edges of his mouth curl slightly.

“Wh - what are you doing here?”

“I thought it’s time we -” He paused, now glancing down at her obviously pregnant stomach. It was like a switch. She tracked his emotions, seeing the confusion, then the wonder, settling on the hurt. “Talked.”

She didn’t want to make matters worse, him being here was a miracle in and of itself. A small glimmer of a hopeful light in the darkness that had consumed her life since he left. She didn’t know where he was, what he was getting himself into, and she wasn’t there to protect him.

Simply nodding, moving to the side to allow his entrance, he stepped in cautiously. It was almost as if he were afraid to forgive her, scared to let things go back to the way they were before he knew the truth. He stood in her living room, just off to the side with his hands in his pockets. She could feel him switching glances between her, and her stomach.

“Would you like some coffee?” She asked innocently enough. He met her eyes, gazing downwards once more, and back up to her face. He nodded, not knowing what to say.

She escaped to her kitchen to catch her breath, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed to see him here again. It was the first time she felt even a small ounce of happiness. During his absence, she tried to absorb that from thoughts of the baby, of the life she was growing. Those thoughts always shadowed by the guilt that he didn’t know, that he may never speak to her again to know. She could see the questions in his eyes, but she had her own inquisitions. They both needed answers. She slipped into her room for a moment to call into work.

When she finally joined him, handing him the coffee cup, silently settling beside him on the couch. They were both cautious, nervous. He didn’t seem angry, that was a good start.

“Looks like there’s a few things to catch up on.” He attempted, glancing towards her stomach again. She was almost relieved that he was resorting back to humor, it meant that he hadn’t completely pulled away from her.

“Mulder, why are you here?” He sighed, nodding and knowing it wasn’t going to take her long to get to the point.

“I’m done with my truth seeking expedition.” He said as he leaned back into her couch further, watching her. She began to fidget with her hands, suddenly nervous about what he was told. There was a lot they hadn’t exactly had the time to discuss.

“And you here, talking to me…is that good or bad?”

“I don’t know yet. I discovered a lot, but there are some specific questions I have for you.” He took a deep breath, and she watched him carefully. “Scully, I won’t lie to you, I’m not ready to trust you. I understand some things a little more, but - I just don’t know.”

“I’ll answer whatever questions you have, Mulder. I’ve told you that.”

“I didn’t know if your answers would be the truth or not.” He said it in a low voice, almost as if he were scared of his own admission. It broke her heart, knowing that whatever happened between them was all her doing. It was never supposed to be this complicated.

They sat in another lingering silence, neither knowing how to proceed in this conversation. He was still wary about whether or not she was lying to him, though he believed that she truly was conflicted in where her priorities lie. He still wasn’t ready to trust her, and she knew that.

“Scully, your confession hit my life like an explosion, I didn’t know what to think.”

“I know...I know.”

“You have to understand how - how that affected me.”

“I do, Mulder. That’s why I never tried to contact you, while you were gone. I would get updates from the Gunmen, but I didn’t ask more than that. I didn’t think I had the right to anymore.” She admitted, breaking their eye contact.

He sat there, absorbing her words for another moment of silence. She hated this, it’s like they didn’t even know how to talk to each other anymore. Even a casual conversation of how they’ve been would suffice right about now, but she knew he wouldn’t give her that satisfaction. He didn’t hate her, that much she could sense, but it would take a while for him to get back to the way things were, if he ever would.

“I need to know a few things, before we can try to move past this.” He said softly. Her heart nearly leapt as he gave her a small ounce of hope that they would indeed be able to put this behind them. Maybe not completely, and maybe not in the way that she dared dream, but in their own way. She exhaled deeply, knowing they needed to face the dark, hidden past before being able to move towards the light again, together. At least she hoped.


	2. My Darkness

MULDER  
2000

“I don’t know where to begin.” He stated truthfully. His mind was in a whirlwind, being this close to her again, inhaling her scent, he was losing all sense of thought. He shook himself from his emotions, needing to stay as detached as possible until he had heard everything. He could sense her caution, letting him control the conversation. Glancing down at her stomach again, he had more questions than he originally came here with.

“What - uh, what did you discover, while you were gone?” She asked in a small voice, fidgeting again with her hands, not meeting his eyes. 

“I found the smoking bastard.” He said with a scoff, that meeting wasn’t exactly what he was hoping it would be, though he honestly shouldn’t have been surprised. It only lasted an hour, mostly of him yelling, his emotions all hitting him at once. The rest of his time away was his own quest, a self discovery journey. 

“I figured.” She said with a heavy sigh. His mind began heading towards everything bad, the panic settling in. Did they punish her for telling the truth? 

“Because you’ve been in contact with him, or -” He paused as she finally met his eyes. He wanted to hold her close, kiss all the pain he could see in her face away. He also felt like he didn’t even know her, a stranger that he fell in love with. 

“No…” She said in a breathy whisper. “No. I haven’t spoken with any of them since Oregon.” She managed, with a confidence in her voice, matching the truth he could see in her eyes. It’s always been there, it only causing a doubt in his mind with the recent revelations. 

“They didn’t, punish you...for telling me the truth?” She scoffed, an adorable snort escaping her freckled nose. He was only beginning to notice the other changes about her, the longer length of her hair, the natural glow she emitted. 

“No, I think they thought you finally knowing was punishment for me enough. Especially because I’m the one that actually told you.” 

“Wow, maybe they’ve gone soft in their old age.” 

“Not exactly.” She said in a soft voice, not meeting his eyes again. There was more, more secrets. The silence caused her to look up, seeing the silent question in his eyes. “I had to make a deal, so that they left me alone.” 

“Scully, what kind of deal did you make with them?” He asked through gritted teeth, glancing down at her stomach again. She could instantly tell that his mind was jumping to all the wrong conclusions, but that wasn’t a conversation they could get into, not yet. He wasn’t exactly trusting that they would uphold the end of their bargain, worried they’d come after her another way. 

“I’ll explain that to you, after we talk. I think we should go through whatever questions you have first.” She said almost in her Dr. Scully tone of voice, so matter of fact. He was annoyed, but knew she was right. 

He let out a heavy sigh, throwing his head back on her couch. Mustering up enough courage, he leaned forward, ready to face whatever he was about to open. He watched as she licked her lips nervously, and he knew she was just as worried about this as he was. This could potentially change everything. 

“Did you ever try to...stop filing your reports? Stop working for them.” He asked, desperately pleading with his eyes for her to say yes. He watched the emotions pass over her face, him letting out a breathy sigh of relief as he saw her face relax. 

“Of course I did. Almost immediately after our first case together.” She gave him a puzzled look, wondering how he could honestly question that after everything they had been through. Though his doubts were justified. He nodded, pursing his lips in thought. 

“Why didn’t you just leave then? Why did you come after me when the x-files were first shut down, or was that part of their plan, too?” 

“No, it wasn’t. They told me my work was done with you, and I was free to carry on my career with the bureau. I didn’t lie to you when I told you that your absence would be a personal loss for me.” She answered honestly, he could see that in her eyes. At least he hoped that’s what he was still deciphering through her gaze. “I couldn’t leave. They threatened to tell you, once they realized that I -” 

“That you, what, Scully?” He was intrigued, she didn’t like to talk about her feelings in the first place. Especially not now. 

“That I had more of a personal involvement than they would have liked.” Despite the tension lingering around them, he smiled. He knew it would take a miracle in and of itself to get her to admit any kind of emotional sentiments, this was a good start. 

Silence. 

“Diana.” He said simply, watching as her jaw clench. She licked her lips, annoyed by having to answer any questions about that woman. It’s not exactly something she wanted to get into. He remembered how jealous she was, when she made her reappearance in his life. Those memories are what gave him an ounce of hope that this wasn’t all a lie.

*****

1999

“Scully, you’re making this personal.” He had accused her of letting her own emotions steer her thinking, something he normally did. It threw him, why she was so opposed to working with Diana, to trusting her. He knew it wasn’t exactly fair, given that she had no idea who Diana was before she came barging back into his life.

“Because it is personal, Mulder. Because without the FBI, personal interest is all that I have, and if you take that away, then there is no reason for me to continue.” He watched her eyebrow arch to new lengths, practically feeling the daggers in her glare. 

Later that day, he overheard her having a heated conversation with someone on the phone. He wanted to ask, but she was so annoyed with him at the moment, he thought against it. He figured if it was important enough, she would tell him. 

Diana being back, caused a rift in their partnership, their recently blossoming relationship. He knew she felt threatened, and if he were honest with himself, he was emotionally conflicted. Her being back, leading him on these wondrous alien chases, it was exhilarating. He knew if he veered too far off his path, Scully would reel him back in...or at least he hoped. 

******

2000 

Now, thinking back to that time, different occurrences began to fall into place. It was personal for her, more than he thought. Without him, without the FBI, she wouldn’t have to carry this burden around with her. Sure, they could still tell him the truth, but what would that do? It wouldn’t have mattered anymore. Their entire purpose was to discourage him from his quest, making him the laughing stock of the bureau in hopes that he would stop digging. If he left, or she wasn’t by his side, the journey would lose its purpose, its meaning.

“What about her?” She spat, failing at her attempt to mask her annoyance with this line of questioning. 

“Did she know...that you were working with them?” 

“No, not at first.” She said with a heavy sigh, he could sense there was a lengthy explanation following, mentally preparing himself. “When you were going out of your mind, I marched into their office and demanded that they stop doing this. I threatened to expose them.” 

“They could have killed you, Scully.” He interjected, a sudden anger at her ignorance surging through him. She shook her head, dropping her gaze back to her lap. 

“I was too valuable to them, especially at that point.” She said, another heavy sigh following. “She was there, they were discussing what they were going to proceed to do with you, and she was questioning Skinner’s involvement. She didn’t trust him.” 

“Yeah, I remember most of that.” He nodded, piecing things together. “So, you going to Africa, that wasn’t part of their plan?” 

“No, it wasn’t. I was so confused about whose loyalties lied where, and the only person I trusted was in a padded cell.” She said with a huff, causing the sides of his mouth to curl as well. “Anyway, once she found out that I also had involvement with the syndicate, she pushed harder to force herself into your life. She pleaded with them to let her try to get into your good graces again, swore that she knew how to make you trust her implicitly.” 

He nodded, remembering Diana’s persistent tactics, telling him she loved him. He remembered the dream land he temporarily lived in, Diana being the one he was spending his life with. It was once a nice idea, but she was 7 years too late at that point. The minute Scully walked into his office, he knew things were going to be different with her. 

“But it didn’t work.” He stated, matter of fact. She smiled, and he could tell she was recalling their hallway discussion that followed after she saved him. 

“No, it didn’t. Not the way they would have hoped.” 

“What would have happened, if I did - well, fall for her advances.” 

“They wouldn’t have needed me anymore.” She said with a shrug, fiddling with her hands again. 

“You don’t mean they would have -” His eyes widened. God, one wrong, idiotic choice and Scully could have been taken from him forever. 

“I don’t know, it was never officially discussed.” He could see her fighting back her emotions, it was a difficult topic to even think about. They already had to face that possible reality when she had her cancer. 

“Well, I’m glad I had some sense of mind to make the right choice then.” He said truthfully, his hand twitching to take hers. He stopped himself and he could feel her watching him. She was being cautious, but he felt her exhale with relief. 

“She helped me...find you. I think she knew that her approach wasn’t working, and she had tested her limits enough. It was her final act, to reveal her true loyalties.” She admitted, a hushed voice filled with mixed emotions. 

“You think she knew they were going to kill her?” He asked, furrowed brow now facing her. She met his eyes, needing him to see the apology in hers. She simply nodded, holding his gaze. His face fell, and he closed his eyes in sorrow, throwing his head back. He had made the right choices, but it didn’t hurt any less. 

There was another lingering silence, he was processing everything she was telling him. It made sense, the more she revealed. The small little, side phone conversations that she would have, dismissing it as a personal call. He never pushed, feeling that he had invaded her life enough. He never questioned that she was working against him. 

Sitting upright again, he watched as her hand began circling her stomach in soothing strokes. He was fascinated, hypnotized by every graze of her soft hands. Her hand paused on one spot specifically, adjusting just to the right, a smile appearing on her face. She looked absolutely blissful, a natural glow radiating off her. She noticed him watching her, the uncertainty passing through both of them. 

“Sorry, the baby usually is very active in the morning.” She said with a sheepish smile, another thought popping through her head. “Do you, uh, want to feel?” 

He was taken back by her question, feeling as though he would be intruding on one of the most important things to happen in her life. He simply shook his head, knowing he couldn’t go down that path with her just yet. If he gave her this small moment, basking in her delight, he knew he would never be able to go back, and he still had questions. 

If he looked close enough, her face fell, almost disappointed that he didn’t want to share this moment with her. She was extending a branch, but he wasn’t able to take it, not yet. She needed to understand the importance of the truth for him, though she always had. 

He took a deep breath, these next few were going to cause more pain than healing, pulling them further into the darkness. 

“Your abduction.”

* * *

SCULLY  
2000

The silence had settled over them, she wasn’t even sure she was breathing. She had anticipated this question, though she had hoped that it was too painful for either of them to have to relive. She took several deep breaths, losing the ability to move forward with her answers. No, she needed to push herself through this, for him, for them.

“Specifically?” 

“Why did they take you? Why did they keep you for so long?” His voice wavered and she immediately went to reach for his hand, a comforting gesture between them both. His eyes closed as her soft fingers wrapped around his. He squeezed back, just enough to let her know that they were moving somewhere. 

“Well, it’s not as if I had much of a choice, given that Duane Barry basically led me there.” She scoffed, the memories coming back to her. “They explained to me later, that they kept me longer, because of my involvement with you. They felt that I was of great value to them, and I had defied them enough already, it was also a form of punishment.” Her voice drifted off, licking her lips nervously, anticipating the question that was to follow. 

“And your cancer?” His voice was just a whisper, and she couldn’t handle it anymore. She could sense that he still cared, that he still loved her, but he was being distant, not letting her close enough to comfort him. It was breaking her heart, and mixed with her pregnancy hormones, the tears began to flow freely. 

She could sense him watching her, unable to move to comfort her. He was conflicted, inching towards her, pulling back with hesitation. She excused herself to her room, needing an escape before they were able to move forward, full speed ahead. She sat on her bed, her hand resting on her stomach, consoling herself from this pain. There were so many questions running through her mind, doubts that he would never fully forgive her for this. 

Enough time had passed since she escaped, ran away like she normally does. She didn’t hear her front door open, so she knew he didn’t sneak out. Taking a deep breath, she mustered up the courage to face him again. She wiped away the dried tears on her cheeks, freshened herself up before she could move forward. She needed the extra boost of confidence. 

Just as she was exiting her bathroom, she could hear voices coming from the living room. They weren’t angry, but confused. It took her a moment of listening off to the side to realize what was happening. She could tell by the tone of Mulder’s voice that he was upset, and already jumping to the wrong conclusions. 

“So you’re her…” 

“Partner, yeah. John Doggett. Is she here? It’s kind of important.” 

“Her partner, at the bureau?” 

“We work in the x-files unit. I’m sorry, who are you?” 

She could hear Mulder scoff, a bitter undertone in his voice. She winced, this wasn’t exactly going to help matters any, and they hadn’t really talked about anything other than the past. Perhaps she should have at least caught him up on a few things before they had their heart to heart. She stared down at her stomach, maybe more than a few things. 

“Agent Doggett, how can I help you?” She had slipped into her Agent Scully persona, the one that she became after Mulder disappeared on his newest quest. She remained detached from most, Skinner and the Gunmen her only real friends. 

She avoided Mulder’s glare, knowing he was silently asking a million questions. She situated herself between them, as if she were breaking up their testosterone fight, their pissing match. Doggett glanced between her, and the man standing behind her. He could only assume who this was, he had heard enough stories. He simply nodded, resigning to her wishes to not discuss it. 

“I heard you were out sick today, and we had a briefing of a new case.” He handed her the file, and she began scouring over the details. 

“We’re going undercover?” Her brow furrowed, she wasn’t exactly in the best physical shape. 

“Women have been disappearing from their therapy sessions. Pregnant women.” He said slowly. Glancing between her, Mulder, and her stomach once again. “During a pre-baby couple’s week, it’s required that they each go through therapy sessions, mentally prepare for the arrival of their child. These women apparently have been disappearing, only to return a few days later.” 

“Have they been altered in any way? I’m assuming they don’t remember their missing time.” 

“No they don’t. When they were returned, they were tested thoroughly, but nothing was detected. They tested the genetics of the children born, but again, nothing.” 

“So why are they sending us in if there’s nothing wrong with them?” She was puzzled, reading over the lab results of the tests run. 

“Because these women are still disappearing. They just need someone on the inside, see how much information we can collect.” He explained as she let out a heavy sigh in resignation. She nodded, giving him a tight-lipped smile to signal her acceptance of it. 

She could feel the heat of Mulder’s suppressed anger rising behind her, she knew he wasn’t happy about any part of this. There was an awkward silence settling over her apartment, lingering around with many unanswered questions. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “Agent Doggett, this is Fox Mulder. Mulder, this is John Doggett. He was assigned to work with me, uh -” She paused, hesitating how to word this without necessarily blaming him for his own absence. 

“While I was gone.” He said with pursed lips, sensing her discomfort. “Thanks for helping Scully here hold down the fort.” He nudged her shoulder with his arm, causing a small, thankful smile to form on her face. 

“Yeah. Well, I hope you’re feeling better. We don’t have to leave for this case until Monday.” He said as he began to depart. She nodded, closing the door behind him and leaning her forehead against the frame. 

“Mulder…” 

“It’s nice to know it was so easy to replace me.” He scoffed and she rolled her eyes, turning to face him. 

“I didn’t have a choice! They assigned him before I even knew what was happening. They were trying to shut us down, he was supposed to invalidate the work.” She spat, crossing her arms to the best of her ability. 

Mulder began chuckling to himself, and she was visibly annoyed by whatever the hell he thought was funny. She furrowed her brow, glaring at him with that pout on her lips that he couldn’t resist. 

“Come on, Scully. You have to see how amusing this is. I mean, I used to be the crazy guy down in the basement that no one even bothered to glance at as they passed me in the halls. They sent you to validate my insanity. Now, you’re the -”

“Don’t you dare call me crazy.” She jabbed a finger at his chest, not remembering how they inched this close to each other. 

“You’re the one down in the basement, questioning everything, everyone around you. He was sent in to justify that you were -” He paused, the smile still playing on his lips. “That the investigations done by the x-files unit were slightly unhinged.” He said carefully, the glare narrowing. 

“I’m not going to justify that with a response.” She waved a hand in the air, dismissing his claims as she settled herself back on the couch, throwing the file in front of her on the coffee table. He chuckled, sitting beside her again. He sat a little closer this time. 

“So this Doggett, does he believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?” He asked, and she was almost relieved to hear the teasing tone in his voice. The smirk began curling on her lips, and she felt herself relax for the first time. 

“No, he doesn’t. We have that in common.” He playfully glared at her and she huffed out a small laugh. It felt good, it gave her hope. 

She cleared her throat, breaking them from their lighter moment. She could tell he was still annoyed about Doggett, but he was handling it the only way he knew how, humoring it away. She fidgeted with her hands, biting her lip and anticipating to pick up where they left off. She hoped she still had the courage in her to continue, using his strength, feeding off of it. 

*****

1997 

“You know I’ve got things to finish, to prove to myself, to my family…” She paused, looking at him and seeing the adoration and sincerity he held for her. To you, Mulder. But she couldn’t say that, breaking down every unspoken wall they’ve built between each other. “But for my own reasons.” She smiled at him, seeing the realization settle in his mind.

“The truth will save you, Scully. I think it’ll save both of us.” She buried her head into his chest, holding onto him as his arms engulfed around her. She held back her tears, the truth would tear them apart, especially now. If he knew the true ulterior motives behind her cancer, he would never forgive her, never forgive himself. 

She had decided to fight them, throw away her goodbye letter to him. If she were to ultimately lose that fight, she would have to write him a different kind of note. One that had words she could only say in her passing. 

She walked away from him, finding the silent solitude of her room comforting. She felt better alone, despite growing up with a big family, having a partner who didn’t always understand personal boundaries. Her alone time was something she always cherished. 

They were at an awkward impasse in their relationship, especially after her little adventure to Philadelphia. She had tested both their emotions with that one. She was defying him, defying the syndicate, defying herself. 

Following a meeting with the cigarette smoking bastard, he had smugly informed her that she would be developing this life altering disease. He didn’t give her any more explanation than that, the secrets flashing in his eyes. She had asked the question, ‘why,’ and he grinned at her. 

“Agent Mulder doesn’t respect you, not in the ways that you may think. It is still only considered his office, is it not? You are his weakness, not his partner.” He inhaled from his cigarette, hiding behind his smoke. 

She was stronger than to let his words affect her, but they did. She went in the next day, fearful for what might be coming her way. She wanted to ask more questions, but didn’t want to let them see it impact her. She went on her tirade, confusing him no doubt as to where this was all coming from. 

When she came back, he looked at her a different way. It was almost as if she could feel the disappointment by the tone of his voice, and the look in her eyes. Though it wasn’t disappointment in her, perhaps more in himself for letting her stray this far away from him. She was terrified, and she couldn’t share that with the one person she trusted the most. 

*****

2000

“If this is too much, at once, we can stop.” He said in a small voice she can’t recalling hearing from him before. He was softening, and she shook her head, needing to get through this. They needed to face the darkness, all of it, before she could move them towards what he would hopefully view as their light. 

“No, I - uh, what did you want to know about my cancer?” 

“They said that it was done to you, to make me believe. To make me see the ramifications of my quest. They knew you were important to me, that I would be at their mercy if they threatened to take you away.” He answered honestly, they were too far into this to lie to each other now. 

“When I came back from Philadelphia, I - uh, had a full physical done. They told me that there was something life altering coming to me.” 

“So you knew, before you went there, that you were sick?” 

“Not necessarily, just based on their warnings.” She met his eyes, needing him to see the truth in her statement. Desperately hoping he could see that she wasn’t going on some death binge. 

“I’m sorry they did that to you.” He hung his head in dismay, cradling his face in his hands. 

“Mulder, they did that to me because they are bastards, who I repeatedly defied. I did that to myself, I’ve never blamed you for anything that’s happened to me. I knew what I signed up for.” 

“But you only had to suffer through that because of your involvement with me. If I wasn’t so single minded in my search for my sister, they would have never sent you down there. You could still be instructing, or doing something that matters at the bureau. Not stuck on some crap detail that you never expected to be on for 8 years.” He said, exasperated from everything. 

“Our work does matter.” She said in a whisper. “Yes, I was put on your detail, and yes, I tried to leave, but not for the reasons you’re making up in your mind. I tried to leave because my personal interest was overpowering my sense of duty to them. I stayed because I wanted to, that was always my choice.” 

He didn’t say anything, his head still buried in his hands. He didn’t know how to process her truths, needing them, but not necessarily wanting them. Confusion running through his mind, he only had one more question. The question that started it all. 

“What did you know about Samantha?” He looked up, staring at her blank television, and she gasped at the inquiry. Could he honestly doubt that she would withhold that, of all things, from him? She raised a shaky hand, reaching out for his. 

“Nothing more than you did, I promise you that.” She gripped onto him tighter. “I tried, to bargain with them, see if they would give me information for extra tasks that they asked of me. They never took the wager, just threatened to tell you if I didn’t do what they wanted.” 

Her voice was timid, afraid that he wouldn’t believe her. She could feel his grip tighten on her hand, it was a small gesture, but it meant everything in the world to her. She wanted to bury herself in his arms, inhale his scent and let it absorb every sense. 

“Okay.” He finally said, still not meeting her eyes. He was sitting completely motionless, staring straight ahead. A few deep breaths later, he turned to face her, eyes honing in on her stomach again. “I think there’s another question that I didn’t initially have coming here today.” 

She huffed out an anxious laugh. This was happening, they were having this conversation.

* * *

MULDER  
2000

His gaze was glued to her stomach, thoughts bouncing around sporadically. Scully was pregnant. A few good months by the look of it. Was this part of her involvement with them? He immediately began to silently panic, she couldn’t emotionally survive another Emily. Neither of them could. He felt her bright blue eyes watching him, trying to decipher where his mind was currently at.

“Looks like you got something good out of this.” He said with a slight scoff to his words, a wary undertone. He didn’t know if this was necessarily a good thing, or another stipulation of her association with those bastards. 

“I like to think so.” She said with a smile, a smirk if he were paying close enough attention. 

There was no way to just ask the question that was lingering around, no tactful way to approach this. He figured they had moved past that point in their relationship to try to beat around the bush, even before, but especially now. 

“Did they - did they do this to you?” He blurted out. She furrowed her brow, and he didn’t understand why she looked genuinely confused. She was staring at him, and he knew there was something he was missing. 

“No, Mulder I thought you -” She paused, and he could see the confusion on her face. What the hell was he missing?

He focused, glancing down at her protruding stomach again, using his best investigative skills to find a conclusion. Okay, focus Mulder. He was nowhere near qualified to make the guess of how far along she was, and would never attempt that out loud. From the little he knew about pregnant woman, he could conclude that she was approximately 5, maybe 6 months along. 

He did the math in his head, counting back to roughly the time that he had left. Had that been what she wagered with them, before she returned home? No, her face was depicting a different emotion. He met her eyes again, holding her gaze. He was practically reading her mind, pulling any clue that he possibly could from the depths of her blue eyes. They had always been good at this. When his eyes widened, he watched her relax, he understood now. 

“Oh.” He said in a breathy whisper. 

“Oh?” She asked warily, he could hear her voice waver, doubting his thoughts. 

“I - but, how?” His voice was filled with wonderment, panic...joy. 

“When you found me, in Antarctica...the vaccine gave me the ability to conceive again.” She explained, wanting to ease him into the idea. He knew his full panic face was making an appearance, and no one recognized it better than her. 

“So, the in vitro, was never going to work?” 

“Not when we tried it, no.” She scoffed, shaking her head. “He told me that I tried too soon. I honestly didn’t believe him when he said it was now possible. Then, I found out I was pregnant.” 

“So you knew, in Oregon?” He began to piece everything together, becoming angrier now that he understood this was her ulterior reasoning for finally telling him the truth. Her words replaying in his head, ‘we need to be united on this.’ She winced at the accusatory tone in his voice. 

“Yes.” Was all she managed, glancing down to her lap again. He was angry, that she would just let him leave like that, not telling him that she was carrying a child, their child. She didn’t even try to contact him while he was gone, and he honestly was secretly hoping she would. He needed some kind of reassurance from her, but instead, she did something she never did. She listened to him, didn’t challenge him, and let him leave. 

“Were you ever going to even try to tell me? What would you have done if I didn’t come back?” His voice was rising, but he was genuinely upset that she was going to keep this from him. Yeah, he wasn’t ready for any more secrets to be revealed at the time, but he still wanted to know. 

“Of course I was going to. I had planned to that night, when I found out.” She spat back at him, and he could see the defensiveness shadowing over her crossed arm stance, pursed lips. “I’m not the one that left.” 

“No, you’re just the one that lied.” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He had vowed to himself, before coming here today, to let her talk, hear her out. He was over being angry at her, and wasn’t going to hold this over her for the rest of their lives. 

It was like a switch. He had encountered a pissed off Scully a few times before, but this, this was definitely different. He thought against blaming the hormones, knowing that would only dig his grave deeper. The color of her eyes turned a steel blue, one that he’s never seen before, and it terrified him. He could practically feel the heat of her rage radiating off her, entirely in his direction. “Scully, I’m -” He began to say with a heavy sigh. 

“I think you should leave.” Her words were cold, detached. It’s as if this entire morning hadn’t even affected her in the slightest. He winced, conflicted as to what to do. 

“Don’t you think we should talk, about this?” He gestured towards her stomach with his eyes. 

“No. There’s nothing to talk about.” Her lips pouted as she turned away from him, stubbornness shining through. He wanted to laugh, he loved her like this, no matter how exhausting it was sometimes. He exhaled, closing his eyes in a resigned sigh. He would let her have the time to process everything, he needed some space as well. If he knew her as well as he always thought he had, she wouldn’t stay mad at him for long, and she would never withhold this opportunity from him. 

He stood, gathering his jacket from the end of her couch, and began to walk to the door. A shadow of a disappointment passed over her face, as if she didn’t really want him to leave. Just as he reached the door, hand resting on the knob, he turned his head back just enough for her to hear him. 

“We’ll talk soon then.” A small promise, for them both. And with that, he left. 

He sat in his car outside her apartment for about an hour after he left. There were still so many doubts in his mind, he was never a trusting person. He was half expecting the cigarette smoking bastard himself to show up. He wanted to trust her, he wanted to believe her and forgive, but he couldn’t, not yet. When he was done wallowing in his emotions, he made another stop before heading back to his apartment. 

“Agent Mulder, I must say, I’m surprised to see you back.” Skinner said, inviting him into his office for an impromptu meeting. 

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting to be back so soon.” He said with a sheepish smile, shifting uncomfortably in the seat. 

“What can I do for you?” 

“Well, I was hoping you could put me back to work. I know the time I was gone was considered a personal leave, but I’m back now.” He said with a shrug, there wasn’t much thought going into this meeting. 

“Have you, uh, talked to Agent Scully?” Skinner asked carefully. He was hoping she had been the one to break the news to him about the x-files. 

“Yes, and I know that she has been assigned a temporary partner during my absence, however, I’m back now.” He said as confidently as he could manage. He knew it wasn’t going to be that easy, his assumptions only confirmed by the heavy sigh that escaped Skinner’s lips. 

“Unfortunately, it’s out of my hands, at least regarding the x-files. Deputy Director Kersh has been overseeing that department, so we would have to go through him.” He explained as best he could. Mulder nodded, no obstacle was going to keep him from getting back to the x-files. He still had research to do. 

Speaking with Skinner for a moment longer, devising a plan in his mind, he made his way to Kersh’s office. He wasn’t thrilled to have to deal with someone new, and fight to get back to the very unit that had become his life. It wasn’t like he disappeared without a trace, he took a personal leave, a 5 month self discovery. 

As he approached the unfamiliar office, he composed himself. He couldn’t afford to lose this, on top of everything else he felt he already lost. He waited, just outside the office, enough for his nerves to take a toll on him. When his name was finally called, it broke him from his thoughts, looking up with a dumbfounded expression. 

“Mr. Mulder, it was my understanding that you were on a personal leave for an unknown amount of time.” Kersh said curtly, pretending to look over his file. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m back earlier than I anticipated, and was hoping to get back to work.” 

“I’m sure you’ve heard, Agent Mulder, that there are currently two agents assigned to the x-files unit, more than we need, in my opinion.” 

“From what I understood, Agent Doggett was just there as my temporary replacement.” He managed to say through gritted teeth. He needed to keep calm, but Kersh was making that more difficult by the minute. 

“Initially, yes. However, they’ve done well as a team down there.” Kersh said with a smug grin, knowing that hearing about Scully’s successes with another partner would lessen his mood. 

“So what do you expect me to do, upon my return?” 

“Well, we’d have to see if we can find a placement for you, perhaps a new location?” He was losing his mind, about to jump out of his seat, across this desk to slap the smug grin on Kersh’s face. 

“I was hoping to return to my unit.” He managed as pleasantly as possible, jaw clenched to signal his annoyance. 

Kersh sat back in his seat, sensing there was more to his reasoning for returning. Technically, Doggett was sent down to do exactly what Scully originally was supposed to do, debunk the work. Mulder met his cold eyes, not backing down from this. He felt like this was all he had left. 

“I’ll have to talk it over with a few other people. We’ll be in touch.” With that, Kersh dismissed him from the office. 

He needed a moment of solitude, a time to reflect on everything that had happened in the last few hours of his life. He had overheard that Doggett was out of the office, so he snuck down to the only place that felt familiar. The basement. 

When he reached the door, it made him smile to see his name plate still on the door. No doubt about it, that was all Scully’s doing. He startled for a moment, seeing the light on in the office, and then hearing noise on the other side of the office. Opening cautiously, he peeked inside, seeing the top of the familiar red hair staring back at him. 

“Working on a sick day?” Despite his current feelings, he huffed out a small chuckle as she jumped at the sound of his voice. 

“Mulder, what the hell are you doing here?” 

“I needed to announce my much awaited return.” He said as he plopped in the chair he generally left for guests, or her. She was sitting where he normally sat. The tables definitely had turned. 

“Did you talk to Skinner?” 

“And the very welcoming Deputy Director Kersh.” She nodded, giving him a tight-lipped smile. Okay, so they both had some apologizing to do. 

“What did they say?” Her voice suddenly turned into a breathy whisper, nervous that they may be working the a very close proximity sooner than either of them were truly ready for. 

“I told him that I wanted to return to the x-files, but something tells me it won’t exactly be that simple. He just said he had to talk it over with some people, and he’d be in touch.” He finished with a shrug. 

“And you came down here, to what? Stage a sit in protest?” She asked, an amused smirk teasing the corners of her mouth. He relaxed slightly, letting out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. This was a small move forward, they could do the partner thing. 

“That was plan c.” 

“I’m afraid to ask what plan a and b were.” 

“Well, plan c is definitely less physical.” She huffed out a small laugh, and he relished in the sound. He wasn’t ready to forgive her just yet, but he missed her like crazy. 

“Were you going to hang around here all day?” 

“No, I was more so just coming to take myself off the personal leave, then catch up on some stuff at home. I doubt I have any fish left.” 

“I was feeding them...while you were gone.” She said in a small voice, blushing at her admission. “I cleaned up your apartment, too. So don’t be surprised when it looks different.” She teased, causing him to mock glare at her. 

“Dana, I didn’t think you were coming in tod-” Doggett’s voice filled the room before stopping as he saw who was sitting across from her. “Oh, sorry.” 

“Did you manage to get the lab results I requested from the latest case?” She asked dismissively, both men staring at her incredulously at how she could completely ignore the awkwardness that filled the room. 

“Uh, yeah. We actually have a meeting in about 10 minutes. Since you’re here, it’ll be easier than having to catch you up.” 

“Perfect. I’ll see you upstairs.” It was dismissive, that much he could sense. He nodded upon his exit, letting the silent questions linger in the air. 

“He calls you Dana?” Mulder finally asked. He had more questions about this ‘partner’ of hers. 

“Only you call me Scully.” She said with confidence, meeting his eyes. He was taken back by the implications of her admission, if that’s what you wanted to call it. He simply nodded, pursing his lips in thought. “I, uh, should head up there for the meeting.” 

“Oh, right.” He said, sitting up straighter. They were still in limbo, as far as their personal relationship went. “I’ll walk you up.” 

He kept his distance as they approached the elevator, his hand automatically going to rest on the small of her back. He retracted, mid air, thinking that she wouldn’t appreciate the gesture at the moment. He walked her to just outside the briefing room, standing awkwardly in the hallway in front of each other. The whispers were heard all around them. 

“So, uh, we’ll talk...later?” She licked her lips, looking down. 

“Soon.” She said as she glanced up at him with a small smile. She was hurt, by his outburst earlier, but he was in just as much pain. 

She turned to walk into the room, leaving him standing there, alone. It’s how he felt lately, why should work be any different? He let out a heavy sigh, everything in his life was twirling up in the air, no clear answers for anything. It was like the darkness was holding onto everything he held near and dear, giving him no hope for escape. 

“Agent Mulder, I’m glad you’re still here. We could use your assistance on this current case.” Kersh said, a mischievous gleam in his eyes that Mulder couldn’t yet decipher. 

He was startled by the invitation, especially given he already knew the gist of it based on what Doggett explained to Scully. He didn’t want to ruin whatever chance this was, so he simply nodded and followed him into the room. When he entered, both Doggett and Scully gave each other a confused look. He was glad he wasn’t the only one lost as to what was happening. He scoffed, an ironic chuckle escaping his lips as one of the open seats was directly next to Scully. She began to ask what he was doing there, only being stopped by the sound of Kersh’s voice. 

“Thank you all for being here on short notice. I’m sure you’ve all been briefed on the basics of the case by now, but there have been some developments in the lab findings. It appears that the brain activity of each of the infants born is off the charts. They are believed to have amazing intellectual abilities as they grow up. We won’t have any definitive answers, or ways to test until they reach a certain age. There have been some changes in the assignments.” Kersh continued, and Mulder immediately picked up the amused change of tone in his voice. He knew what was coming. “First, I’d like to welcome back Agent Mulder, who will be part of this team. He will also be the one going undercover with Agent Scully. Agent Doggett will remain on the surveillance team just offsite with Agent Collins and Agent Gerard.” 

He felt, rather than saw Scully flinch at the news. He understood the feeling. Doggett was staring at him from across the table, but that was the least of his concerns. Kersh’s voice faded to the background for the rest of the briefing, now realizing that he was going to be confined in a room with Scully for a week. He smiled at the thought. Somehow, this random twist of fate may be just what they need. 


	3. The Right Kind of Madness

SCULLY  
2000

She was fidgeting in her seat on the plane, she always hated flying. They were to already be undercover, in case any other couples happened to be traveling from the same area as them. Making their way to some lovely cabin in Vermont, she was less than enthusiastic. She was honestly hoping for some time away from him, space to clear her mind of everything he bombarded her with in the last few days. Instead, she was sitting right next to him, a ring on her left hand that matched the one on his. 

“Relax, Scully.” His hand rested on top of hers, she didn’t realize she had a death grip on the armrest between them. She exhaled deeply, his touch was still comforting, despite everything that had happened between them. 

“Sorry, I just hate flying.” 

“I know this about you.” He said confidently, almost teasingly, causing her to turn to look at him. He gave her a small smile, a sadness in his eyes that followed his words. 

They had been walking on eggshells around each other since Kersh decided to throw this little curveball into the assignment. It was little touches and grazes that gave her hope that he wasn’t straying too far away from her. The fact that he felt he still knew even the smallest of facts about her, showed her that he may actually forgive her one day. 

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” She asked nonchalantly, suddenly not knowing how to talk to him. His silence didn’t exactly make things any easier. 

“I think we are just getting settled. There’s a welcome dinner tonight.” He shrugged, causing her to let out a heavy sigh. It was going to be an interesting week, especially with him being so hot and cold emotionally. 

The baby must have inherited her hatred for flying, because it was doing somersaults against her gut since they took off. Her breathing became heavy as she rubbed her hand over her stomach, hoping to sooth the child growing inside of her. He must have noticed the change in her breathing, because he suddenly was very aware of every movement she made. She could tell by the look on his face that he was worried about her, but didn’t want to act on those emotions. She could see the resistance on his face. 

“I’m okay.” She said with a small smile, attempting to reassure the unspoken question. “The baby apparently doesn’t like flying either.” 

“Crazy, how genetics work.” His voice drifted off, already lost in thought. Her eyes widened slightly, considering what exactly this child would inherit from the Mulder side. 

*****

1996

“I - I guess I was just projecting on myself.” She said with a sad smile. She had really began to question everything lately, following her abduction, things became more complicated. She was lost in thought, and could hear the genuine concern and sincerity in his voice. Damn him for making this harder than it was. 

“Well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping out the little uber-Scullys.” He had joked lightly, causing a genuine smile to cross her face. 

“What about your family?” The inquiry was innocent enough, carrying out the conversation that they were engaging in. As he squinted at her suspiciously, she understood the deeper implications of her question. 

He humored the awkwardness away, as he always did, making her feel more comfortable. If he only knew that he wasn’t the only one involved in an international government conspiracy. At least not as much as she had been. 

Their personal relationship had shifted, they were close, closer than she had ever been with anyone before. He knew her soul, every part of her mind, and he loved her for it. She knew that. Perhaps she withheld her emotions from him, in fear that he would walk away as soon as he learned the truth. She also knew those bastards would use them against each other more than ever if she reciprocated the intimate feelings. 

“Scully…” She had stopped, glancing back with a puzzled look on her face. “I never saw you as a mother before.” He had a different tone in his voice, one that she’s not sure she had heard before. She couldn’t help but smile back at him, things were definitely changing. 

*****

2000

“Scully.” He nudged her gently, and she shook her head, lost in the memory of the beginning of something they weren’t even aware of. She gave him a sheepish smile, noticing the people beginning to stand around her. 

“Oh.” 

They began to clear the plane, him following behind her closely as they pushed their way through the aisles. She used her pregnant belly to clear her path, most people moved aside as a courtesy. She wanted to laugh at the amazed look on his face. 

“That’s the fastest I have ever managed to get off a plane.” He teased, a huff escaping her lips. 

“Yeah, it’s a neat trick. You should see how fast I can clear the bullpen.” She mumbled under hear breath, reaching forward to take one of her bags as it passed by on the conveyor belt. He placed a gentle hand on her arm, stopping her in her actions. She gave him a puzzled look and he simply shook his head, signaling that he would get their luggage. 

The chivalry and tenderness was confusing, given that he nearly said any words to her their entire trip here from the moment he picked her up from her apartment that morning. She was frustrated, but he was healing, and she needed to respect that. She just wished he wouldn’t hold this against her for the rest of their lives. 

Once they had settled themselves in the rental car, they both could feel the nervous energy lingering around them. They’ve never had this, this awkwardness, not even in the early days of their partnership. Hell, he bared his soul to her on their first case right after she disrobed in front of him. Another instance that had nothing to do with the people she worked for. That one was all her. Not that he would believe that, not now. 

“We’re staying…here?” She asked in disbelief. There was a giant, multi-room rustic castle looking cabin staring back at her, homey in every definition of the term. It was definitely nicer than anything else the bureau ever sprang for. She huffed out a small laugh, thinking of the other agents shoved into a small motel room down the road. 

“Yeah, looks like they aren’t messing around when they call it a retreat.” He said as he parked the car and walked swiftly to the other side of the car to help her out. She furrowed her brow, wondering what the hell he was doing. Her breath caught in her throat as he placed his hand on the small of her back, leaning in close. 

“We have to look the part.” He whispered into her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. God, her body missed him. She nodded against him, and he placed a small kiss on her cheek. Nobody was currently around to see them playing the part of husband and wife, but she thought she’d keep that observation to herself.

* * *

MULDER  
2000

He could feel her watching him, detailing every little move he made. He didn’t mean to kiss her, it just happened, and she smelled good. He missed that smell. He missed her. She was definitely caught off guard by the sudden action, that much was evident by her wide eyes filled with puzzlement, hope. It wasn’t fair, to give her this kind of false optimism, but he was genuinely confused. This assignment was definitely going to test his limits. 

Escorting her to check in, he held her close to him with his hand rested on her hip. She startled again, but finally relaxed, plastering a friendly smile on her face as she remembered they were supposed to be playing a part. 

“Hi there! Welcome. Names?” The bubbly girl at the front desk exclaimed. 

“George and Laura Hale.” He said with an overly excited grin. He definitely was going to play the part with all he could muster, secretly hoping this would help them move past where they found themselves. He knew they couldn’t just pick up where they left off, or fake their way through this assignment and just continue to carry it over into their regular lives.

“Oh! It’s your first time here, first child?” She asked enthusiastically. He went to answer in the affirmative, stopping short as the image of Emily flashed through his mind, causing him to pale. Scully immediately could read what was going through his mind, resting her hand over his on her hip, squeezing it for comfort. 

“Yes, it is.” She said with a shy smile. The receptionist, Rebecca, as her nametag read, handed them their welcome packet and itinerary, dismissing them with the directions to their room. 

He led her through the main area, smiling pleasantly at some of the other guests as they found their room. When he opened the door, he watched her shoulders slump, a small whimper escaping her lips. Everything had a very intimate and homey feel, this week was going to be longer than they anticipated. 

“There’s supposed to be a call with the other agents as soon as we get settled.” He said simply as he put their bags in the closet. She plopped herself on the bed, rubbing her stomach. He noticed that it had become a comforting gesture for her, a way for her to feel in control of something. 

“We should go over the files before we head to the dinner tonight, too.” 

“Are you hungry now?” He asked quickly, trying to find something to talk about. Anything other than what was running through his mind. 

“I could eat. Dinner isn’t for another 5 hours.” 

“There’s a sort of food court here, uh -” He looked around for the brochure. “Mexican, Italian, something else that looks rather questionable…” 

“Is there anywhere I can just get a burger?” She huffed out a small laugh, almost embarrassed if he were paying close enough attention. He must have been surprised by her suggestion, because her eyes narrowed at his silence. “No judgements, I can eat whatever the hell I want while this baby is constantly doing cartwheels against my bladder.” 

He smiled, she was testier than usual, and he secretly relished in it. 

“So you’ve got an active one there, huh?” He tried to push past his own emotions, make this little side venture part of his healing process. Of their healing process. He opened the door for her, on their way to find food and explore the grounds. 

“Yeah…” She said softly, surprised that he was even teasing this particular topic of conversation. “I like to think that’s genetic, too.” She mumbled, turning to hide the smirk on her face. He could feel the corners of his mouth curling. 

*****

1998

He was rambling on about some new theory about a new case that he was overly enthusiastic about, not even paying the slightest attention to her fidgeting beside him on his couch. She actually suggested hanging out after work, which had shocked him. Their relationship was shifting, some way or another, so he was hopeful. She had said his name several times, attempting to interrupt his rant. Each attempt going unnoticed. 

“Mulder!” She finally yelled, causing him to startle. He glanced over at her, a dumbfounded look on his face. He thought he was guilty of something by the way she shouted his name, he just wasn’t sure of what. 

“Uh, sorry. What’s up, Scully?” Her eyes diverted away from him, glancing down at her hands. 

“I need to ask you something, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way, or feel obligated to say yes. I just -” 

“Scully, you can ask me anything.” He nudged her arm playfully, trying to lighten the obviously tense air. 

“I - I went to get the vials of ova tested, and - well, the doctor said that I might have a shot, if I start right away.” She explained carefully. He pursed his lips, nodding in understanding, still missing the point of her telling him this. 

“That’s great, Scully.” He managed, his mouth feeling suddenly dry. “That is great, right?” 

“Yes, well, it could be.” 

“Could be?” 

“I would need to find a donor.” His stomach dropped at the idea of Scully having a child with someone. Would this person be involved? How does the sperm donor process even work? He needed to research. 

“Oh.” 

“Well, unless I already have someone in mind…” Her voice trailed off. His eyebrows rose, now fully understanding why this conversation was happening, or at least he hoped he did. 

“Oh.” His voice was slightly chipper, wanting to convey that this was indeed a good thing. 

“And, well…” She paused, a deep sigh escaping her lips. “I was hoping that maybe, you could uh -” She closed her eyes, and he could sense that she felt embarrassed. 

After a lingering silence, he could see her gaze shifting up towards him, glancing at him through her lashes. Those giant, blue eyes, staring back into his soul. He would never deny her of this, of anything. Before he could open his mouth to respond, she jumped up from her seat, making a brisk escape for the door. It was still early, but he could sense her discomfort. 

“Just, think about it, okay? I don’t want an answer right away, I want you to really give it a good thought. It's a big decision.” She said quickly, before disappearing through his front door. 

He exhaled deeply in thought. There were only a handful of times that he could recall being rendered speechless. This was definitely at the top of the list. She had thrown him a major curveball, a thousand new questions to let mull over in his mind. 

A child. A child with Scully. She actually was asking him to be part of this. No, not part of this, just the donor. Okay, so they’d have some things to talk about, because if this did work, he didn’t plan on just sitting off to the side and letting her handle this alone. He would want to be involved, want to be there every step of the way. A nice little bundle of their blended DNA. The child would be brilliant, questioning and challenging everything along the way in life. Perhaps her bright blue eyes, definitely her nose, and maybe his complexion. 

He laid there, imagining every possible scenario of what this child could be, their child. He knew the answer the minute he caught on to what the unspoken question was. But she wanted him to take his time, so he would wait. This was going to be a true test of his patience. 

He only waited three days. Three excruciatingly long days of them pretending that she hadn’t asked a life altering question. She had seemed distant, and detached, perhaps not wanting to get her hopes up, or be disappointed. He knew he couldn’t make her wait any longer. She didn’t really want him to think about it, she wanted an answer. 

She left home early, saying she had a few errands to run. He called her, telling her that there was something he needed to speak to her about. He heard her breath hitch over the phone, she knew. This was going to be their moment of truth. 

When he arrived at her apartment building, he didn’t know how to approach the issue. Should he have brought flowers? Should they be celebrating something that wasn’t a guarantee? He’s never been this nervous in his life. He knew she felt the same the minute she opened the door. 

“Can I take your coat?” She asked with a goofy grin on her face. He smiled back at her, sensing her unease. 

“No. I can’t stay. I got to get back to the office for a while.” Her face fell slightly, he thought it seemed like a good enough excuse. 

“Obviously, you’ve had some time to think about my request.” She said, not meeting his eyes. He should have known there was no way to joke their way around this one, step around this issue quietly, without question like they had become accustomed to. 

He tried to find the right words, how could he convey that he would only ever do this for her. He’d like to do it the old fashioned way, if he were truly hopeful, but he kept that comment to himself. He knew he was failing with his words here as he watched her shoulders slump, the disappointment shadowing her face as she dipped her head to hide her emotions. He reached out, attempting to get her attention and lift her gaze to his eyes. She needed to see the truth in the only words he knew how to say that would fully project his commitment to this. 

“But...the answer is yes.” He smiled as her face crumpled with joy, hope. He watched her fight back delighted tears, hugging him in a thank you. He embraced her, held her tighter to him, a smile fully plastered on his face. They were really doing this. 

He was going to try to have a baby with the woman who consumed his entire soul. The woman he loved.

* * *

SCULLY  
2000

She already hated everything about this case. But at the same time, it was the first glimpse of Mulder forgiving her, so she was also thankful for it. After lunch, their phone meeting with the other agents went over fairly smoothly, already knowing what to expect. They were instructed to act as a couple, whatever that meant. Their welcome dinner they had to attend in a few hours would be the true test of how well they were going to be able to pull this off. 

“I’m going to take a shower, and get ready for the dinner.” She said with a small smile, him laying on his back, arm resting behind him as he watched tv. He was down to his boxers and a t-shirt, and her hormones were causing her mind to run wild. 

“Anything else?” He asked, an amused grin forming on his face. She realized she was gazing longer than the subtle glances she attempted to steal, causing her cheeks to rise with color. She picked up her clothes, shaking her head slightly as she escaped into the bathroom. 

She had plenty of time, so she settled for the only thing that she knew would ease her mind. A bath. Filling the air with neutral aromas, she settled herself into the relatively large tub. Her mind began to wander as she closed her eyes, trying to make sense of the mess that had become her life. The only thing she was certain of, was the child she was carrying. It gave her something to hold onto. 

After contemplating several new conspiracies brewing in her mind, her eyes shot open, now realizing what they were both doing here. She tried to jump out of her bath, struggling as the protruding stomach prevented her swift movements. Wrapping only a towel around her, not bothering to dry off, she rushed into the main room. 

“Mulder.” She said breathily, eyes wide at the newest realization. She felt like an idiot for not recognizing the sure tell signs before. He jumped at her urgency, immediately rushing towards her off instinct. 

“Scully, what’s wrong? Is the baby -?” He paused, trying to read any kind of answer from her eyes. She exhaled deeply, wanting to kiss him for being compassionate towards her, towards their child, despite every doubt running through his mind. 

“No, I’m fine. We’re fine.” She said confidently, resting her hand on her stomach. She began to speak, pausing in thought about what she knew about these bastards. She stepped closer to him, her hand cradling his cheek as she leaned in close to his ear. “I know why Kersh sent you in instead of Doggett.” She whispered, in a voice low enough so that only he could hear. 

She could tell he wanted to melt at their close proximity, she felt it, too. He nodded against her, separating from their temporary embrace. 

“Why don’t you finish getting ready and we’ll take a walk before dinner.” He suggested loud enough for whoever might be listening in to hear. 

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll be done soon.” She responded, matching his same faux chipper tone. They had played the game too long to lose now. 

When she finally emerged back in the room, fully clothed, he was waiting for her, sitting on the bed expectantly. He led her outside, traveling far enough away from the main cabin, down one of the walking paths. 

“I checked our bags, but I didn’t find anything. I didn’t have time to fully sweep the room.” He began, knowing that was one of the main questions on her mind. 

“I feel like an idiot, I should have seen it sooner.” She winced, sighing in defeat. 

“If we’re talking paranoia here, I’m surprised I didn’t question the sudden switch up from the beginning.” He said jokingly, attempting to lighten the mood. She huffed out a small laugh, thankful for him in this moment. 

“I haven’t figured out what their motive is though, why did they want you here with me instead?” 

“What was their original motive...when they sent you in?” He asked honestly, causing her breath to catch at the sudden question. She needed to stop overreacting when they talked about this, it was bound to happen. She wanted to accept that, help him through it anyway that she could. 

“To shut you down and invalidate the work, but now, that’s Doggett’s current assignment.”

“And along the years, did their instructions ever change?” She paused in her stride, thinking over the question. It was never their direct assignments that changed, but the outcome of their interjected assistance that did. Her eyes widened as she finally could see what it was they were trying to do. 

“Separating us. That’s always been what they tried to do. Whether it was shutting us down, abducting me, sending you on some truth seeking journey with false information.” 

“So, they think now that I know, us being with each other 24/7…” 

“We’ll drive a wedge between ourselves, no help from them.” She said in a small voice, her eyes now focusing on what she could still see of her feet. 

“It’s not going to happen.” He said confidently, causing her head to jerk up and meet his gaze. They held each other’s eyes for a long moment, longer than she had the pleasure to experience recently. 

He stepped towards her, reaching out to rest his hand on her arm. She could tell it was all he could manage right now, any more, and he would lose himself in her again. He needed time to get there. 

“You can’t guarantee that, Mulder. We haven’t exactly been on the same page lately.” 

“I know, but we can’t let them win.” He said with a heavy sigh, groaning into his hands as they covered his face. “I can’t let them have the upper hand. They’ve taken everything I love away from me, including you. I’m not going to just concede to their plan. I’ve got to work on my own issues, but I’m willing to try to make it through this together, if you are.” 

She stood there, staring at him. She was at a complete loss for words. She always knew he loved her, but to hear it, from his lips when he wasn’t doped up on countless pain medications...it had a different impact. When she finally caught her breath, she exhaled, nodding to signal that she was indeed still with him. Always with him. 

“I am. I want to.” He gave her a sheepish smile, this was their first step to making it entirely out of this with their sanity intact. 

She felt like a weight had been lifted off her since she first told him the truth. He began leading her back towards the dining hall for dinner, stepping just in front of her, blocking her path. She furrowed her brow, silently asking what the hell he was doing with her eyes. Before she could open her mouth to ask, his lips were on hers. 

It was a chaste kiss, gentle, testing. He lingered there for a moment longer, both their eyes still closed at the contact. The embrace they both desperately missed. This was definitely not their most passionate kiss, but it had the most promise behind it, given what they were currently going through. 

“I, uh - I just thought, you know...so if I do it later, while we’re around other people, you wouldn’t be caught off guard.” He stammered, and she thought his reasoning was ridiculously adorable. 

“Right. Good idea.” She said, licking her lips as if she were absorbing his taste. She leaned forward, kissing him again. She put a little more force into hers than he did his, their mouths gliding together smoothly. “You know, just so you’re not surprised later when I do it.” 

She smirked at the goofy grin he had on his face, biting her lip as she continued her way back to the main area. He quickly caught up, placing his hand on the small of her back. She missed this, missed him. She didn’t know which direction this case was going to lead them, but she was hopeful for the first time in what felt like forever. 

As they made their way into the dining hall, they encountered several other guests mingling around. She was suddenly nervous, the aspect of them having to pull this off to hopefully uncover who was behind this madness. 

“Oh, you must be new this year! I’m Sheryl, and this is my husband Dave.” A bubbly blonde came bouncing towards them. Scully eyed her barely there stomach, feeling like a whale standing before her. Mulder could sense where her mind had wandered off to, squeezing her hip for reassurance. 

“I’m George, and this is my lovely wife, Laura.” He managed to say through a smile. “Yes, it’s our first year. How about yours?” 

“Oh no, this is baby number 5. We just decided to take this retreat earlier on, we’ve got 2 teenagers at home that are cause for a much needed vacation.” She joked, her hand now resting on her stomach. “I’m barely 10 weeks.” 

“Wow, 5 kids. That’s ambitious.” Scully finally managed, relaxing into her surroundings. 

“Yeah, it’s not easy, but we mostly have a good group there.” Dave chimed in. “By the look of horror on your face, I’d say this was your first.” He teased, causing her cheeks to brighten. 

“It is. We’re excited to be here.” Mulder said, cheerfully. Even she almost believed him. 

“You’re going to love it, the activities are always so much fun, and the therapy sessions aren’t so bad. Plus, you’ll get some great pointers from us veterans.” Sheryl said enthusiastically, before they moved on to another area of the dining hall. 

They managed to mostly talk to all the couples in attendance for the week, having a basic background on them all prior to arriving. None of them stuck out as conspirators in this kind of operation, so they’d definitely be here for the entire week. 

When they made their way back to the room, she plopped herself on the bed, toeing her shoes off before leaning against the headboard with pillows all around her. She had stolen a few of his as well. She was exhausted from their evening, emotionally and physically. Her being here, pregnant, was a miracle in and of itself, but having to talk about raising the child with him was still something she had heavy doubts about. She still didn’t know if this would change anything for them the minute they weren’t George and Laura Hale anymore. 

His mood had shifted at some point during the evening, and she still couldn’t figure out why. She was supposed to be the moody one, but he was so indecisive about how he wanted to feel about her at the moment. He was quiet, making notes that he had mentally stored away about the guests. 

“Should we call the others? For an update.” She attempted to break the murderous silence. 

“Nah, we have a call set up with them tomorrow, and I don’t think we have anything imperative to relay.” She was annoyed. It was almost like outside of this room, he cared and wanted to try to move past this, but once they were in their own space again, he dismissed her presence. 

She scoffed, mumbling under her breath as she attempted to get off the bed. He let out a heavy sigh and she immediately knew there was indeed something specifically wrong in his mind. She stood, hands planted on her hips, just staring at him. She was done. 

“So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to guess?” She spat. 

“There’s nothing wrong, Scully.” He said monotone, void of any emotion that might give him away. 

“Really? Because you’ve been a perfect fucking gentleman all evening, but what? I don’t deserve that when we’re alone?” 

“That’s not it, I just -” He groaned, clearly confused. “I don’t know what you want from me.” 

“I just want you to forgive me, to move past this.” 

“Well I can’t do that, yet!” He yelled, standing with the adrenaline surging through him. “I want to, but every time I feel myself starting to trust you again, another doubt comes in and overshadows that. I’m going to constantly wonder who you’re actually loyal to here.” 

“You, Mulder! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I know you don’t believe me, and that’s fine, you can take your time on that. But when are you going to stop punishing me? I can’t live like this forever. I can’t wonder how you’re going to act towards me from one day to another.” She admitted truthfully. They were both on edge right now, an ambiguous air surrounding them.

“It’s not that simple.” 

“Yeah, well with you, nothing ever is.” She said through gritted teeth, walking towards the main door. There wasn’t much space for escape. 

“Sorry for ruining your life, although I’m not the one who should be apologizing here.” She paused, hand on the knob. 

“I am sorry, truly, for what I’ve put you through.” She spoke to the door, not able to meet his eyes. She was trying to keep her voice from wavering, bite back the tears until she had a moment of solitude. “You didn’t ruin my life, Mulder. Your complexity and passion, your dedication to your work, it’s exactly why I fell in love with you.”

* * *

MULDER   
2000

He was angry, hurt...confused. He wanted to forgive her, wanted to relish in the experience of their child growing inside of her, and then raising it...together. But it really wasn’t that simple. If he just forgave her, he knew that he would feel as if he was letting himself down. His entire life has been about his quest. His journey eventually changed over time, finding different things to fight for. Different people to defend. He knew it wasn’t fair, to be this hot and cold on her, but he wasn’t fully ready to concede. 

She deserved an apology, that much he knew. Though he was waiting on a pretty hefty one himself, but with keeping her at arm’s length, he knew she couldn’t fully show him how much she loved him. Yeah, that little admission was throwing him for another loop as well. 

He wandered around the grounds, hoping she didn’t stray too far. He knew with her pregnant stomach that her options were limited, though he’s learned to never underestimate her. When she was angry, and determined, her stubbornness could work wonders. 

He had searched everywhere, and his anxiety level began to rise at her absence. She wasn’t in the library, or the main dining room. She wasn’t in the cafeteria area, which was the first place he looked, given her go to when she was upset was usually something sweet. Another thought popping in his head, he headed back to the dining area, and snuck inside the kitchen. 

He smiled, despite his current feelings, seeing her sitting on the counter, little feet dangling high off the ground as she rubbed her stomach and scooped the ice cream straight out of the container with a spoon. He must have made some kind of noise as he moved towards her, because she turned and gave him a guilty smile, spoon hanging from her lips. 

“You found me.” 

“It wasn’t easy. Although, I was on the right track when I started with the cafeteria.” He smiled back at her, hoping to show that he wasn’t angry anymore. 

“They don’t have ice cream.” She shrugged, her attention back on her tiny, half eaten carton. He knew she was confused about where they stood, hell, he didn’t even have an answer for her. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled. I’ve just been so - I don’t know.” He let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head, hands in his pockets. 

“I know, I understand the feeling. This whole thing is just so complicated.” Her eyes fell to her stomach, before staring straight ahead. A new round of questions flushing through his mind. 

“As in...working together, or having a baby toget-?” The question caught her off guard, eyes wide as her head slowly turned to finally face him. 

“I don’t know, both? We can’t even be in the same room together without one of us getting upset. Neither is going to work if you don’t trust me, and I can’t -” The tears began brimming her eyes again, and he felt like an ass. She was right, he was punishing her, but not intentionally. 

“Scully…” He let out a heavy sigh, stepping towards her and positioning himself directly before her. He rested his hands gently on her hips, keeping a comfortable distance, but wanting her to feel like he was truly there. “I have a lot to work through, with myself. I won’t lie to you, and give you some false hope that things can just go back to the way they were. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But, if there’s anything we know how to do best, it’s be partners. You may have been working against me, but you’ve also saved my ass in more ways than I can even count. I’d also like to think your personal feelings for me weren’t a lie.” 

“No, of course they weren’t, I told you that.” She cradled his face between her hands, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. He exhaled deeply, and he knew she felt his breath on her lips as her mouth opened in anticipation. 

“We can’t let them win.” He said softly, feeling her nod against him. She had inched closer, and he could feel her lips barely grazing his, teasing with feather soft touches. His craving for her overpowered any other emotion, losing all inhibitions and giving in to her touch. 

She inhaled deeply as he melded them further together, resting fully between her legs, her protruding stomach the only distance between them. Her mouth opened willingly and his tongue took no time finding its way between her plump lips. A small hum of pleasure emitted from the back of her throat, causing him to grip onto the back of her head and bring her closer to him. God, he missed her. Knowing his body couldn’t handle much more, he reluctantly pulled back, smiling as her lips chased his. 

“I - uh...” He glanced between them, only to see her stomach hiding his growing erection. “Yeah.” 

“Sorry.” Her cheeks tinged with color, understanding his implication. He smiled, kissing her forehead. He knew this could be doing more damage than good, but he honestly couldn’t resist her any longer. Especially with this being the first night they’d be spending in the same bed. 

“I was thinking, we need to come up with a plan. They’re entire motive is to tear us apart.” 

“What if we let them think they are?” She suggested, his eyes widening as he caught onto her train of thought. 

“Like, argue inside the room, play the perfect couple while we are with the rest of the guests.” He added as she nodded. 

“They would think we are just working, being undercover as we are instructed to be. If we either don’t talk, or only argue in the solitude of our own room, they’d think their plan is essentially working.” 

“It’s our best option, until this is over.” He exhaled deeply, already hating the complexity of everything. 

She lifted his chin with her forefinger and thumb, bringing his gaze to her eyes. He could see the honesty in her expression, the desperation for him to trust her again. He held her gaze for several moments, his doubts slowly dissipating. “They won’t win.” She said softly, kissing him again. “They’ve taken too much away from us already, I won’t let them win.” 

“Well, at least we did a pretty good job already of them thinking they’ve got the upper hand.” He teased, causing her to chuckle. He missed that sound, missed her smile. She hadn’t done much of that since he returned, mostly his fault, he knew. 

“Maybe we’ll have to fit in late night ice cream binges into our schedule so we can talk.” 

“I’m thinking that’s more in your benefit than mine.” He narrowed his eyes at her, causing her to bite her bottom lip guiltily. “Come on, let’s head back.” 

He helped her get down from the counter, wondering how the hell she managed to get up there in the first place. He realized she wandered here barefoot, because she was distinctly shorter without her heels. She must have realized where his thoughts traveled to because she narrowed her eyes at him, glaring at his teasing smile. 

“Don’t you even dare.” She said, index finger pointed at his chest. He feigned innocence, biting back several remarks running through his mind. 

Once they got back to their room, they both prepared for bed. After taking this step forward, it was hard for either of them to go back to not speaking. Teasing glances and smirks were the only conversation they were currently having. 

She settled herself in bed, reading over some of the notes he made on the other guests. He finished sweeping the room, only finding one bug in the lamp by the bed. He showed her, index finger coming to his mouth to signal for them to be quiet while he put it back in place. He extended his hand, causing her brow to furrow in question as she reached out to take it. She was even more confused when he led her into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. 

“I figured this is the only place it might be muffled enough where they can’t make much out.” He shrugged, keeping his voice barely above a whisper. 

“You only found the one?” 

“Yeah, I searched through everything. I think it’s mostly to ensure that we’re driving each other crazy.” 

“Well, they’re about 8 years too late on that.” She teased, causing him to mock glare at her. 

“We’ll just have to be careful, hopefully solve this thing quickly.” She nodded in a silent agreement. They both seemed to relax slightly after their late night ice cream confessional. 

She opened the door to get back into bed, letting him know that she had no intention of moving again. After getting himself ready, he finally settled in beside her, the action seeming strange. They had shared a bed before, but not since he disappeared for 5 months, and definitely not since the only thing between them was their growing child. 

She tossed and turned several times, shoving pillows in different places. He had his back facing her, finally lifting himself to lean on his elbow and turn towards her. Even in the dark, he could sense that she was visibly uncomfortable. 

“What’s wrong, Scully?” He whispered low enough so that it was barely even audible to her. 

“I’m sorry, this...thing won’t let me get comfortable.” She huffed, gesturing to her stomach. 

“How do you usually sleep at home?” He asked genuinely, now fully resting on his back to face her entirely. 

“I have a body pillow, but these are all too short, and even if I use two, they just separate and I have to readjust.” He wanted to do anything to make her comfortable, given that she was carrying his child, but he still had apprehensions. Their kiss, it happened on a whim, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for more contact. 

The traitorous words escaped his lips before he even knew what was happening. He knew he wasn’t ready for more, but she was genuinely uncomfortable and despite his feelings, he still cared. 

“You can use me, if you want.” She furrowed her brow, turning to face him. He could tell she wasn’t entirely sure that’s what she heard, asking the silent question with her eyes. “You know, to lay on. I’m not as comfortable as a pillow, but -” He shrugged. 

He watched her carefully, seeing the thought pass through her mind, contemplating it. She moved one of the pillows to rest between them as she slowly let herself settle against him. He startled at first, not entirely sure that she would take him up on his offer. Everything was confusing between them, lingering in limbo. It was the right kind of madness for them, with little gestures like this giving them hope. 

As her head rested just below his chin, he could feel her relaxing, her breathing changing. He rested his hand on her back gingerly, allowing himself to enjoy this moment. He knew this small action wouldn’t entirely dismiss his apprehensions, but it was a start. 

“Thank you.” She mumbled against him as slumber washed over her. He smiled, looking down to see her stomach resting on the pillow that was essentially resting on him. 

Once he knew she was completely asleep, he let his other hand caress her pregnant belly, stroking soothing circular motions. It was the little flutter that tickled his hand that gave him some ounce of hope for the first time. 


	4. My Hope, My Despair

SCULLY  
2000

She roused the next morning, feeling relaxed and rested, despite the events that occurred the day before. She was slightly confused, waking up alone in the room. Figuring he just went for a run, she began to get ready for her day. The confusion began to grow in her mind when he hadn’t returned after she finished her morning routine.

She wandered around the main area in search of him, smiling pleasantly as she passed a few of the other couples. They didn’t have an activity planned until later that day, and the other agents hadn’t heard from him. The frown began to form on her face, pout appearing on her plump lips as she remained in search of him.

There was only one place she hadn’t checked, but it wasn’t on the schedule for either of them until later that week. She made her way to the small office by the library, finally seeing Mulder standing there and talking with the therapist on the grounds. He must have sensed her approaching, because he turned to acknowledge her as she made her way towards him.

“Hey.” He said with a small smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Her nerves began working against her, seeing the distance in his gaze.

“Mrs. Hale, I presume?” The therapist chimed in, sensing the awkwardness between them.

“Oh, right, sorry…” Mulder began. “This is my wife, Laura. Uh, this is Dr. Howard.” He cleared his throat, feeling the slight unease.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She managed with a smile.

“I was up early, so I went for a run and ran into him on his way to the office.” Mulder explained quickly.

“Mrs. Hale, I’d love to chat with you as well, if you have a moment.” Her eyes widened, eye contact shifting from Dr. Howard to Mulder. There were a million questions running through her mind, wondering what the hell he said to this man.

“Yeah, sure.” Her voice wavered slightly and she could see the guilty expression on his face. Mentally chastising herself, she knew she shouldn’t have let her hopes run wild following their somewhat normal interactions the day before.

Mulder pecked her cheek as he passed her, the sentiment feeling almost forced between them. She could feel the hesitation radiating from him, suddenly even more confused about what she was walking into. He didn’t meet her eyes for any reassurance, and that’s what terrified her the most.

“Mrs. Hale, I’m really glad we were able to do this.” Dr. Howard said with a warm smile, offering her the couch to sit.

“I, uh - I wish I could say the same, but it’s a little impromptu.” He smiled at her joke, making a note already in his notepad. She already despised the stupid thing.

“There’s no need to be nervous, I just wanted to get to know you, following my meeting with your husband.”

“What do you want to know?” She asked skeptically, sensing that there were definitely specific questions in his mind. She was putting every guard up, every emotional wall she’s ever built was high in action at the moment.

“What do you want to tell me?” She nearly scoffed at the ridiculousness of the question. Nothing. She wanted to tell him nothing. She wanted to talk to Mulder.

“In terms of…?”

“Let’s start with something simple, like your child.” He said, gesturing to her pregnant stomach.

“Well, being pregnant is something I never thought was attainable for me, so I am excited for this miracle.” She smiled, her hand resting on her stomach for comfort.

“Your husband used the same term, miracle.” Dr. Howard provided, causing her head to shoot up.

“What else did he say?” Dr. Howard laughed, shaking his head. She let out a heavy sigh, it was worth a shot.

“Now, I’m sure you know that I can’t disclose the specifics of our conversation. What I can do, is help you both to move forward in the best possible way for you.”

“He called the baby a miracle?” Her voice had a sense of hope in it, and she watched Dr. Howard carefully for any facial twitches or clues about Mulder’s words.

“You seem unsure of how he feels towards the child.”

“No, not about the baby.”

“About you?”

“Did he say something?” She asked suddenly, causing the therapist’s eyes to shine with amusement. She was never good at this, especially when someone else was involved.

“Why do you think you have doubts about his feelings?” She scoffed, glancing down at her fidgeting her hands.

Perhaps because she lied to him throughout their entire relationship. Maybe it’s because she betrayed the one thing that was the most important to him other than his sister....his trust. There were many different reasons to doubt his feelings, all her own doing.

“I don’t know.”

“Has there been anything recently that you feel has caused a distance between you two?”

“Yes.” She admitted, fighting back the tears. She felt like a jerk, trying to force him to forgive her, knowing that she had done the unspeakable. She lied to him, worked for the people who singlehandedly destroyed his life.

“Care to elaborate?”

“I -” She paused. She couldn’t even say it. “I did something that betrayed his trust.”

“And is trust something that is important to him?”

“The most important.” She said in a whisper, the tear escaping her eye. She licked her lips nervously, suddenly feeling trapped in this room. She couldn’t manage anymore. “I’m sorry, I - uh, don’t know how much more I can handle.”

She wiped away the dried tears on her cheek as he offered her a tissue. Dr. Howard leaned forward, waiting to receive her full attention.

“Therapy isn’t about fixing the problem, it’s about coming out of this with the best solution for you. It can take time, you just need to be patient.” She scoffed, nodding in understanding as she stood to leave.

All of this was overwhelming, more than she was expecting on an undercover operation. She was here for work, and yet it just became monumentally more personal. When she made her way back to the room, Mulder was in the shower, and there was a body pillow laying on the bed. Mixed with her emotions following therapy, the tears began to flow again.

Last night was too much, she understood that now. He wasn’t ready for that kind of intimacy. She was confused, the back and forth of emotions causing her mind to run in every different direction. Dr. Howard allowed her to finally see the impact of her betrayal, how much weight it held on their relationship. She expected them to fix this as they had anything else that was brought between them, not remembering how she felt when she was out of her mind, thinking he had done exactly the same thing to her.

*****

1996

“He’s lied to me from the beginning. He never trusted me.” She exclaimed, truly terrified for her life. She could see the sincerity in his gaze, the hurt that she was genuinely questioning his loyalty to her. She didn’t know why she felt this betrayal, but it was the only emotion surging through her. Other than fear.

“Scully, you are the only one I trust.” He meant it, she could see that in his eyes. It wasn’t enough to reassure her that he wasn’t working against her, trying to destroy her.

“You’re in on it. You’re one of them.” She ranted on, blaming him for everything that’s ever happened to her. She was angry, confused, ashamed. Self projecting her fears that stemmed from her own betrayal. Her deepest anxiety indirectly coming to light.

When he entered her hospital room, there was no ounce of judgement on his face. All she could see was the understanding of what happened to her. There was an ounce of guilt shadowed on his face as well, surely from her blaming words. She gave him a sheepish smile as he settled in the chair beside her hospital bed.

“I was so sure, Mulder. I saw things and I heard things, and it was just like the world was turned upside down. Everybody was out to get me.”

“Now you know how I feel most of the time.” He huffed out a chuckle, the sound causing her words to sound ironic. She felt like a victim of exactly what she was doing to him. It was her deepest fear, that he would work against her in the way that she was him. It pained her to see him being so sincere in his reassurance, his words from the evening before replaying in her mind. ‘You’re the only one I trust.’ Oh Mulder, what had she done?

“A virtual reality of their own worst nightmares.” He had explained, everything making more sense in her mind now. It was all confusing, a giant complicated mess that she had tangled herself.

“Like me thinking that you’d betray me.” Though this was true, it would be her worst nightmare, it was also his. She was working for them, or so her assignment told her she was. There wasn’t a day that passed that she didn’t regret her choices.

*****

2000

“Oh, hey, I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.” She jumped at the sound of his voice, seeing him standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Yeah, it was a quick chat.” She said with a sad smile. He simply nodded, moving around her quickly to retrieve his clothes. “Mulder, I’m sorry.” She said with a heavy sigh.

“I know, Scully.” His tone was tender, though void of any real emotion.

“No, I mean for yesterday. I pushed, and I shouldn’t have. I know I can’t expect you to just forgive me for what I’ve done.”

“It took you talking to Dr. Howard to realize that?” The bitter undertone was dripping from his words.

“No, not entirely.” She spat back, suddenly feeling put on trial. He scoffed, escaping to the bathroom again.

When he emerged a second time, he avoided her glare, he knew she was watching him. She watched every move he made, waited for some kind of signal. That’s what she did now, wait for him to react. She wasn’t sure if she should be preparing for a fight, or if he was going to be soft and gentle towards her. It was always a toss up.

“I’m going to go for a walk.” He said under his breath through gritted teeth. She was hurt, it seeming like he was practically repulsed to be around her.

“Mulder, I hope you know -”

“Don’t, Scully. Don’t push.”

“I understand, that feeling...of betrayal.” He spun around, eyes wild. Her breath caught in her throat at the look in his eyes. She’s never seen that look from him, directed at her.

“How the hell could you possibly understand?!” He was furious, and she knew it. She squared her shoulders, okay...so they were preparing for a fight.

“Do you remember, that case where the TV signal made me think that you were after me?” She began to explain, hoping that he would understand where she was trying to take this.

She watched him search his brain, of course he remembered. No doubt he had replayed every conversation, every case they’ve ever had together since he discovered the truth. She watched him find the memory of her pointing her gun at him, swearing that he was working against her. He pursed his lips, nodding in acknowledgment.

“Mulder, I thought you had betrayed me, that you were working for them. I blamed you for everything that ever happened to me, because I was scared that the one thing I knew for certain was turned upside down.”

He was quiet while she rambled on her explanation, trying to find a commonality between them. It almost seemed like they didn’t know each other at all anymore. She finished speaking, waiting for him to respond.

“You may have understood in that moment the fear, and confusion in my mind…” He paused, fighting back the apparent emotions flashing over his face. “But that was a hallucination, and this is reality. In reality, you actually did betray me, and that’s not ever something you can understand, because I would have never done that to you.”

She let the tears flow freely at the sound of the door closing behind him.

* * *

MULDER  
2000

How dare she. He was appalled that she would even attempt to find a similar ground. What she did to him was so monumentally fucked up, there was no way that they could ever fully turn back from this. He knew she was hurt, but it in no way amounted to what he was going through.

On his walk, he ran into a few of the other guests, flashing them a tight-lipped smile as he passed by. He momentarily forgot that they were supposed to be undercover, working a case. Everything began to blend together, this little scenario of theirs becoming more real every minute. He could see Dr. Howard speaking with another couple, smiling at him as he noticed his presence. The elderly gentleman approached him cautiously, noticing the clearly visible annoyance on his face.

“Mr. Hale, how are you doing this afternoon following our session this morning?” Mulder scoffed at the question, he thought he was feeling better, but now he was angrier than before.

“I don’t really know at the moment, if I’m being honest.”

“I’d love to talk to you both together, if you have time tonight after the dance.” Mulder sighed, forgetting that they had that stupid dinner and dance tonight in the dining hall. Pretending to be a married couple was becoming more difficult with every truth becoming uncovered.

“Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem.” He mumbled in response. He didn’t particularly want to see her right now, but they were still working a case.

He wandered around for a while longer, letting the day pass him. When it came time for him to head back and get ready for the dinner, his anxiety suddenly began to rise at having to face her again. When he poked his head in the room, it was empty, his brow furrowing at the silence. He searched the bathroom, just to be sure, but she was gone. Her belongings were still there, so he knew she didn’t just leave, or ask to be taken off the case. He became even more puzzled, hearing voices, one sounding like hers, coming from nearby.

He walked outside, following the sound, trying to maintain a low profile. When he walked down the hall, there was a patio area that overlooked outside. He could see her standing there, hands crossed over her in a defensive stance. He couldn’t make out who she was talking to, but he didn’t need to, as he saw the cigarette smoke billowing around her.

He clenched his jaw, fists ready as he inched closer, still trying to remain undetected. As he reached where he was in earshot, he ducked behind a wall, peering to the side just enough to see her face.

“What the hell are you even doing here anyway?” She spat, eyebrow arched to new lengths. She was controlling her emotions, but he could still read the fear in her eyes.

“As I told you, Agent Scully, I am offering you a new deal.”

“I don’t care what it is, I don’t want it. I’m done dealing with you. Once you have what you want from this child, we are done.” She was angry, fearful that it wouldn’t just end there.

“So you’ve said, but that’s not how this works.” That smug bastard was only playing by his own rules. Mulder scoffed, he thought she was smarter than that to have suspected this would happen. “If the child is as we predict, we’ll have more business to do together.”

“I’m not letting you anywhere near this baby.” She was angry now, that mother bear instinct already kicking in. “Plus, I’m not the only one you’d have to deal with now.”

“And what makes you so sure he’ll be around to protect you. From what we’ve heard, he can’t even stand to be around you at the moment.” He watched her face flinch, licking her lips as she bit back the tears threatening to escape.

“It won’t be that easy.” It was all she said, no promise that they would be fighting this together.

“It could be, if you take us up on our newest offer.” He said smugly, inhaling his cigarette.

“I’m never going to do that to him. It’s bad enough, the things you’ve made me do. I won’t.” Her words were confident, she wasn’t backing down from this. He was curious, hoping the conversation would lead in a direction that would let him know what she was refusing.

“Think about it, Agent Scully, you could have everything you’ve ever wanted. He wouldn’t remember your little secret, and you’d be able to enjoy the child together.”

“You’ve taken too much away from him, from us. I won’t let you just erase my mistakes from his mind. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, more than I already can’t.” Her eyes fell, cast downward in thought. He could see the pain in her face, the sacrifice she was making.

“If you change your mind, as I suspect you might, you know how to find me.” He said in dismissal, exiting through the stairs on the side of the building.

He watched her gather her thoughts, standing outside for a moment longer. She wiped away the tears on her cheeks, attempting to control her emotions before having to face anyone again. He was conflicted, on whether or not he should escape back to the room and wait for her, or join her on the patio, saying he was searching for her. He chose to beat her back to the room, not wanting to convey that he was concerned about her whereabouts.

He was even more anxious now, another round of questions bouncing around sporadically in his mind. How the hell was he even going to bring this up? He mentally scoffed, he felt like he was intruding, though he shouldn’t, considering it was about him. They were past the point of their ‘unspoken conversations,’ now it was all about being upfront. It wasn’t something either of them were accustomed to, so it definitely took some getting used to. Honesty, if you could call it that.

“You’re back.” She was clearly startled to see him sitting there on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap.

“We have the dinner, and dance tonight.” Her shoulders slumped, he could see the exhaustion on her face already.

“I totally forgot that was tonight.” She winced. He watched her every move, wanting to know more about her conversation, but not having the energy to get into it.

“Dr. Howard wants us to stop by afterwards, and speak to him together.”

“Oh…”

“He seems to think it’ll be good for us, since both of our individual sessions are so clear in our minds.” He shrugged, not wanting it to seem as important as he suddenly felt it was.

“Right.” She began fidgeting with her hands, not knowing where the hell they stood. He made no move to comfort her.

They moved around each other quietly as they both prepared for their evening. It was a semi formal event, so he donned a suit, looking as he normally would if he were going to work. She had brought a longer dress with her, and he could tell she felt ridiculous with her protruding stomach. He didn’t know what overcame him, seeing her fidget with the bottom, flattening out invisible wrinkles. He could sense her unease, there was an unusual discomfort lingering around them.

“You look nice.” He blurted, shoving his hands in his pocket. She paused in her actions, looking at him skeptically.

“Thanks.” She said cautiously, uncertain about how to take his comment. These hot and cold notions from him were driving them both crazy.

He escorted her downstairs to the main dining area, other couples milling around, indistinct chatter filling the hall. She was nervous, and he began to doubt that they were going to be able to pull this off. His hand automatically went to the small of her back, causing her to jump at the sudden touch. He glanced around, seeing something that specifically caught his eye.

“Check out Dr. Howard, talking to the Garcias over there.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. She didn’t flinch that time.

“Did you see something that’s suspicious?” She asked in a hushed tone, her lips hovering around her cup.

“He just seems very interested in them. I saw him talking to them earlier, too.”

“Do you think he has something to do with the disappearances?” She asked as she turned to meet his gaze. Their mouths were close, and he realized that over the years they never really had a sense of personal space. This was always how they discussed cases.

“It’s possible, we may have to dig a little deeper when we see him later.” She turned her attention back to the couple, as did he. He noticed that they were the most intimate couple here, always finding some way to keep contact with each other. Of all the others, they seemed genuinely happy, both doctors in their own fields. It sparked another theory in his mind. “Do you want to dance?”

His question caught her off guard, but it was the only way he could think of them discussing details without looking as if they were just whispering to each other off to the side. She nodded wordlessly, following as he directed her to the floor. He could feel her watching him, trying to judge his next move. He rested his hand on her back, pulling her closer to him so that only the distance of her pregnant stomach was between them. They started with a nice rhythm, gliding across the floor silently. Anyone looking in wouldn’t be able to tell they had been arguing.

“I think Dr. Howard is the key.” He said in a barely audible tone, the sides of their heads resting closely together.

“What’s your theory?”

“The Garcias, they’re the most educated couple here other than the Hamiltons.” He paused, huffing out a small breath. “And, well, us.” A small breath escaped her lips as well, they definitely were undereducated as the small town teacher and writer that were George and Laura Hale.

“You think it has to do with their cultural background?”

“Yes, and no. The Garcias seem genuinely happy, true married bliss. It would be a stable environment, nice family structure...the perfect setting to raise an above genius child.”

“So, he’s targeting them, based on their education and the status of their relationship.” She finished his thought as he nodded.

“It’s brilliant, actually. He studies them during the sessions, ensures that they would indeed be the perfect parents to raise this genetically altered child. Nobody would suspect anything, given how educated they are as well.”

“We’ll have to look at the other victims, but it makes sense. How do you suppose we get information from him?”

“I’m going to lead the conversation, just follow along, chime in when needed.” He explained, feeling confident that she at least knew him enough to read his train of thought. He wish he still felt the same about her.

As they danced, lowly discussing the plan, he noticed himself holding her closer, it not feeling uncomfortable. They had danced like this before.

*****

1997

He was dancing, dancing with Scully. He looked down at her, gazing as she stared ahead at the performance. Everything about this case was lighter, no stress added. It was the perfect way for their relationship to shift in a direction that neither of them were sure of, but both of them anticipated.

She turned, meeting his eyes as he smiled down at her. She smiled back, a genuine smile. There was a bliss on her face, a relaxed emotion and a hopeful gleam in her eye. She had never looked more beautiful to him.

They had a good time, almost like they weren’t battling whatever demons were lurking in the shadows. He was more surprised that she allowed him this carefree moment, noting that they definitely didn’t have enough of these. He wanted to protect her innocence, knowing he brought much of the darkness that shadowed her.

“I didn’t know you could dance, Mulder.” She smirked, sitting next to him in the car on their way back, after their evening.

“Many forced formal functions came in handy for something.” He teased, causing her smile to brighten.

“Makes me think you’ve got some more hidden talents I have yet to uncover.”

“Well I’m not going to give all my best moves on the first date.” He teased back, causing her eyebrow to arch as she suppressed her smirk from growing.

“And was this...a date?” He smiled, staring ahead and avoiding her sideways glances.

“I guess that’s an x-file all in itself.” She huffed out a small laugh, shaking her head. He loved this, their little games that they played. He’s never felt more confident in a relationship before.

*****

2000

“Mulder.” She said assertively, still in a low whisper. He snapped out of his thoughts, shaking his head as he brought himself back his surroundings. She was concerned, leaning back to stare at him questioningly.

“Sorry.” He said, realizing that she had used his real name. He began to ask what the hell she was thinking, but his eyes asked before he could open his mouth.

“You weren’t responding, when I called George. Other than stepping on your foot, that was my only option.”

“What’s up?”  
“Dr. Howard went back to his office. Do you think we should take the opportunity to meet him there?” He nodded, suddenly more lost in thought, a different headspace.

He led her through the dining area and up the stairs to the library where his office resided. Mulder peered his head inside, his heart suddenly thumping loudly in his chest. When he spotted the familiar man, he cleared his throat to gain his attention. Dr. Howard startled for a moment, quickly stuffing something inside his desk drawer and turning to face him.

“Mr. Hale, I wasn’t expecting you this early in the evening.” He recovered nicely, Mulder making a mental note about the occurrence.

“Sorry, we can come back later, if that’s better for you?” He said, Scully coming to stand beside him in view.

“No, no. Please come in, have a seat.” He gestured for them to sit on the couch, both looking at each other with a sheepish, tight-lipped smile. “Did you enjoy the evening festivities?”

“Yes, it was nice to meet more of the other couples.” Scully managed, feeling the obvious distance between her and Mulder.

“Do you find it more comfortable when you’re around other people?” Dr. Howard asked, causing both of them to falter slightly. Mulder shifted uncomfortably, his hands folded in his lap.

“Isn’t the whole point of this retreat to meet other couples?” He asked.

“That is one of the hopes we have, yes. The other is to fully prepare you for this addition to your family.” He attempted with a warm smile.

Mulder scoffed, the word ‘family’ causing his calmer emotions to be pushed aside. Now, all he could feel was the built up anger and suppressed resentment rising to the surface. He knew that nothing good would come from allowing his annoyance to shadow his better judgement, but that’s where this was heading.

“Mr. Hale, did I say something of offense to you?”

“No, uh -” He paused, glancing to see Scully’s brow furrowed, questioning what the hell he was doing. She had agreed to follow his lead, but he could see the apprehensions in her eyes. “I just don’t know if I’ve been feeling the family aspect lately.”

“Mu - George.” She scolded, it escaping her lips in a breathy whisper.

“No, I’d like to know more of what you mean.” Dr. Howard stopped her actions, encouraging him to continue.

“Family just seems like an interesting word to describe us, given that we’ve been so...distant, lately.”

“I’ve tried to -”

“Yeah, I know. But you know it’s not that easy.” He growled through gritted teeth, staring at his hands. He couldn’t look at either of them right now.

“Is the conversation, or lack thereof, of your late first child affecting this sense of distance?” Mulder sighed heavily, hanging his head at Dr. Howard’s question. He should have known that the slip up during his session was going to come back to haunt him. He winced at the sharp inhale of breath coming from beside him, this wasn’t going to be easy for either of them. “What I find most interesting, is that only one of you acknowledges this child as your first, and the other does not.”

“It’s not something I like to discuss.” She finally spoke, her voice sounding just as small and timid as it was when she first told him about Emily. He could hear the fear, the wonder in her tone.

“Do you not think it affected you both equally?”

“She was my daughter.” Scully spat, visibly annoyed by this topic of conversation. Mulder turned to finally face her, wanting an explanation. He felt just as strongly about losing that little girl, despite that she wasn’t technically his. She was Scully’s, and that meant he loved and accepted her as well. At least that’s what it meant to him.

“From a previous relationship?” Dr. Howard asked, more interested in the truths behind this story.

“You could say that.” Scully responded, licking her lips nervously.

“Though you both feel the distance now, there is a strong connection here. An ability to absorb one’s pain as their own, take on each challenge together, though they may not affect you directly.”

Mulder was lost in his thoughts, hearing Dr. Howard’s words replay in his mind. He had done just that, taken her pain as his own. He only wished that was returned along the years. He couldn’t separate what was real and what was part of the ploy anymore. He wanted to believe that she too had felt just as strongly as he did, but he was wary about emotions at all anymore.

“I - Can you give us a minute?” He asked as he cleared his throat. Dr. Howard simply nodded, excusing himself and leaving them alone in the office.

“Mulder…” Her voice was just a whisper, and he could hear the uncertainty in her tone.

“We’ve probably only got maybe 5 minutes before he comes to check on us.” He said quickly, jumping up from the couch and heading straight for the desk. “Howard didn’t have time to lock the drawer before we interrupted him.”

“So, this was all part of your plan?” Her brow was furrowed, hands on her hips.

“No. But it worked out better than I had originally anticipated.” He admitted, meeting her eyes. She nodded, bowing her head as he began sifting through papers.

He moved objects and stacks around, an investigative eye sharp on what he was looking for. He paused when he reached a notebook, flipping through pages and seeing names of other couples they had done backgrounds on before coming into the case. Using his memory as a tool, he began to take note of the different notations on each page.

“Mulder, I think he’s coming back.” She whispered, moving from the door to resume her spot on the couch. There was never a question on what he was doing, or what her role was. She fell into their usual partner routine, reading each other’s minds, as if it were the most normal action in the world.

He quickly put everything back as he originally found it, making his way to sit beside her on the couch. As the door clicked open, Mulder leaned forward quickly, his hand resting on the side of her hip. She startled for a moment, eyes wide with question. Wordlessly, his lips enclosed on hers, a chaste kiss for Dr. Howard to see just as he was walking through the door.

“Well, it looks like a moment alone did you two some good.” He said with a warm smile. Mulder simply nodded, standing and extending his hand for Scully to take.

“I think this helped us at least get the conversation going.” He smiled at the older man, leading her out of the room, hand rested on her back. “Thank you, Dr. Howard.”

He escorted her to the solitude of their own room, immediately searching for paper to jot down the notes jumbled in his mind. He could feel the unspoken questions coming from her gaze, ignoring her while in this mindset. He scribbled exact replicas of the pages in Dr. Howard’s notebook, putting the pieces together of what it was he was looking at.

“He’s comparing them, we were right.” She spoke softly, picking up one of his loose pages.

“I think the couple’s therapy sessions are when he gets the most intel on his prospects, and weeds them out based on the strength of their relationship.”

“So how do we catch him? I mean, he could take Mrs. Garcia at any moment.” He nodded, pursing his lips in thought.

“Looks like I should head out soon then.”

“Wh - Mulder, you are not going to chase him down by yourself. Are you insane?”

“Possibly, but you should have figured that one out by now, Scully.” He said with a smirk as he disappeared into the bathroom.

When he reemerged, she was sitting on the end of the bed, staring down at her hand on her stomach. This was her tell, she was terrified for him. For them. He wanted to reassure her that he wouldn’t be reckless, but that would just be an unnecessary lie.

“I’ll be back soon. I’m just going to scope out the area.”

“Just -” She paused, and he could feel the uncertainty radiating from her. “Be careful, please.”

He nodded, not really a promise nor an objection. The urge to kiss her and tell her that he had more than himself to look out for was powerful inside of him, but he wasn’t anywhere near that kind of trust with her again. Everything had changed, and there was no way to erase what happened between them. Any of it. He let out a heavy sigh, escaping into the night.

* * *

SCULLY  
2000

She waited anxiously, hour after hour. He hadn’t called, which she didn’t know was good or bad. She also hadn’t heard from the others that they had to move in, so she had some small ounce of reassurance that he hadn’t done something incredibly stupid. Letting out a heavy huff of breath, she turned over to glance at the time glowing at the clock. 4:08 am. Where the hell was he?

The noise on the outside of the door caused her to sit up suddenly, eyes wide with anticipation that he was finally returning after his little venture. When he came inside, she was confused to see Agent Doggett following close behind. What worried her more was the sling that Mulder was wearing.

“What the hell happened?” She threw herself out of bed, coming to check on him as he sat on the edge. He tilted his head away from her hand as she attempted to check for any other injuries.

“I’m fine, Scully. There was just a small misunderstanding.”

“Mulder, your arm is in a sling, and it’s 4 o’clock in the morning. I’d say you might be understating that a bit.” She looked at him pointedly before turning her attention to Doggett who was standing awkwardly on the side of the room.

“He called it in for backup after he realized that Howard was making his move tonight.” Doggett paused after seeing the confusion on her face, furrowed brow telling him that she definitely missed something here. “The call came in a little too late, and he had to act quick.”

“He tried escaping through the roof access, I don’t know where he thought he was going to go, but he knew he was caught. He tried to jump, and I reached his jacket just in time for my arm to be pulled over the edge with his weight.” He said with a wince as he tried to adjust the sling.

“Why the hell didn’t you call me?” She directed at both of them accusingly.

“There wasn’t much you could have done.” Mulder said with a shrug, before wincing again.

“We got there a few minutes later and helped him pull the guy from dangling off the roof. We took him into custody, and gave our statements. Everything’s wrapped up, so we can head home today.” Doggett finished. He dismissed himself, leaving the two alone with clearly a lot to talk about.

“Mulder-”

“Scully, I’m not in the mood to hear it, okay? It’s been a long night, and I’d rather just get home and forget about all of this.” He grumbled, moving to begin packing his things.

“So we’re not going to talk about this at all? Any of it?” She wasn’t angry, she was hurt, definitely confused.

“There’s nothing to talk about. We caught the guy, end of case.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I’m not ready to get into that.”

“You’re never going to be ready! You’re going to constantly treat me like I’m the enemy. I actually care about you, Mulder. I’m not like those heartless bastards, I -”

“No. You’re right.” He paused, and she would have found a small ounce of hope in his words had he not turned around for her to see the look in his eyes. “You’re worse.”

She didn’t say anything, there were no words. The look in his eyes caused her breath to catch, it terrified her. He had never looked so stricken by her presence, almost like it hurt just to be around her. Her mouth opened to say something, lips pursed in an ‘o’ as her eyebrows furrowed in question.

“You look surprised.” He scoffed, moving past her to collect more of his things.

“I just -” She began to say, stopping again in a lack of words.

“Scully, how can you not comprehend what you did? You ruined the one good thing I had in my life. You ruined you, for me. I don’t know if I can ever just forget that. At least with them, I knew where they stood. With you, I had this idea in my head that was completely shattered. I have no idea how I feel about you anymore.”

“Mulder, please...” She began to say, her voice wavering as it escaped in a breathy whisper.

“I can’t do this right now. I’m taking some more time off while my shoulder heals. I’ll be in touch.” He grabbed his bag forcefully, wincing with the sudden movement.

“So that’s it? What happened to sticking together, not letting them win?” She was angry now, tears threatening to escape.

“They won a long time ago. I never really stood a chance.” His voice was low, a sadness in his words as his hand was wrapped around the doorknob.

“What about the bab-” She paused, realizing the loaded question she was asking. He turned just enough to glance at her stomach, and then meet her eyes.

“I’ll be here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo boy, adulting sucks. Life is slowing down a bit, so hopefully the next update won't take forever like this one. Apologies, and enjoy!


	5. My Scope

SCULLY   
2001

She waddled around her living room, exhausted from even the slightest move from her bed to the kitchen. She was due two days ago, and this baby had overstayed his welcome. The baby proofing was done, well before her little bundle was supposed to make his appearance. Apparently, he was just as stubborn as both of his parents. 

She closed her eyes, a tired sigh escaping her lips. The Gunmen were made aware of her due date, silently hoping they would relay that information to Mulder. He said he would be here, but she hadn’t spoken to him since their last case together. That was several months ago, and she had no hopes for any kind of rekindlement of their relationship. 

There were several times that she attempted to call his cell, out of sheer curiosity. It went straight to voicemail every time, until one day, she got the message that said it was disconnected altogether. She stopped by his apartment, sensing the abandonment by the darkened windows every time she drove by. She fed the fish, and sat on his leather couch just to feel him around her in some way. No idea where he could have ran off to this time. 

Her mind restless, she drove herself to his apartment again. When she entered, it was just as she left it. Unlived in, deserted. Letting out a heavy sigh, she plopped herself on the couch, only now realizing she may have more trouble getting up from the worn leather than she originally anticipated. The hours of the day passed her as she fed the fish and mindlessly watched his tv. This was her only way to feel close to him. 

She jumped when the front door opened, eyes wide in the action of feeling caught. He visibly startled, seeing her there, in his apartment. She smiled at him sheepishly, desperately hoping he wouldn’t resent even her presence, or burst out into an angry rage. 

“Hey, Mulder.” Her gaze fell downcast to her fidgeting hands, her stomach blocking anything else from her sight. 

“Hi, Scully.” He sounded winded, almost relieved, causing her to meet his eyes again. 

“I’m sorry, I wanted to -” She paused, feeling as though she were talking to a stranger, their distance so significant between them. “I was feeding the fish.” 

“You - uh, you didn’t have the baby yet.” 

“No, not yet.” There was a shadow of a smile on her face, knowing he came back for that reason exactly. The relief on his face was now understood, he hadn’t missed anything. 

“Good, good.” He nodded, setting his bag on the floor. She could feel the caution emitting from his movements, apprehensions rising. 

They settled in a slightly awkward silence, him leaning against the door frame. It was almost as if he was hesitant to move any closer to her. She had no idea where his mind was at, they’ve been so disconnected, both physically and emotionally. 

“I should go.” She struggled to stand, her stomach restricting her sudden moves. Plopping back onto the couch, she let out a heavy sigh, gaining the energy for another attempt. As she scooted, twisted and turned, she felt a hand on her arm, assisting her. When she was finally on her feet, he was directly in front of her, making sure she was balanced. The tears brimmed her eyes as she inhaled his scent, wanting to hug him, knowing it would be refused. She absolutely hated this, and the hormones weren’t exactly helping. 

“We should talk.” 

She didn’t have a response, just a nod. There were so many unanswered questions in his eyes, all shadowed by the evident mask of hurt and betrayal. She wondered if he would ever look at her differently ever again. That thought tugged at her heart, her eyes diverting elsewhere. 

“Where have you been?” Her voice was small, feeling as if she didn’t even have the right to know. 

“Around. My shoulder took a while to get back to normal, but it’s better now.” 

“That’s good, I’m glad.” 

“I tried to be back sooner.” He blurted out, catching her off guard. “I didn’t want to miss -” 

“You didn’t.” She smiled, her hand resting on her stomach. 

“I want to be here.” He paused, she could see the careful response to follow his admission. “For the baby.” 

She sucked in a sharp breath, not for her, but for their child. She honestly didn’t expect anything different, but it didn’t hurt any less hearing the words. With the tears stinging her eyes, she nodded, excusing herself to regain composure in the bathroom. That’s when the tears came. Damn this whole thing to hell. She hated everything about their current situation, knowing it was entirely her doing. She honestly couldn’t blame him, but that didn’t stop her annoyance from rising. 

A deep pain bore through her entire body, causing her to rock her hips back and forth as she leaned forward and gripped the sides of the sink. She took several deep breaths as the pain subsided, feeling the liquid travelling down her leg. Of course. 

After cleaning herself up, and breathing through another contraction, she made her way back out to the living room where he was waiting expectantly. He looked concerned seeing her face tinged red, eyes wet. 

“I - uh, need you to do me a favor.” She licked her lips, one hand placed on her back, the other on her stomach. He nodded, urging her to continue. “I need you to take me to the hospital.” 

He perked up, the panic settling on his face. He surveyed all of her, she could see the pieces falling together in his mind. 

“Scully, are you - is it -?” 

“Yes, Mulder. The baby is coming, I need you to take me to the hospital.” She said calmly, trying to breathe through another contraction. Damn, they were getting closer. 

He began pacing, running his hand through his hair. If she paid close enough attention, he was heavy breathing along with her. She found it amusing, watching him lose complete sense of control for the situation. 

“What do we do?” The use of the word ‘we’ gave her the smallest ounce of hope she’s had in months. She smiled at his flustered state, resting her hand on his arm to calm him. 

“My bag is in the trunk, I’ve been prepared. It’ll probably just be easier for you to take me in my car.” He nodded, not really knowing what else to say. 

After escorting her down to the car, only having to stop once as she rode out another contraction, they finally made it to the hospital. Having some authority, she was brought back to a room right away. 

“Dana, it looks like it’s finally time.” Dr. Evans said excitedly. She had been through every little hiccup with her along the way. Before Scully could respond, Dr. Evans’ eyes glanced over to Mulder standing awkwardly in the corner of the room. She knew what was following. “And who is this?” 

“Oh, uh - I’m...Mulder.” He extended his hand to the doctor, no further explanation. She glanced back towards Scully, whose eyes were anywhere else. Sensing the awkwardness, she let the questions go, for now. 

“Well, Dana...I’m going to have you change into a gown so I can take a closer look at the progress here.” 

“Of course.” She smiled at the doctor as she exited the room momentarily. She turned to Mulder, clutching the blue hospital gown in her hands. “I, uh, have to change. You don’t have to leave, but um.” She stammered, not knowing where their new boundaries had been drawn. 

“I’ll step out, should I - uh, call your mom?” 

“Oh, right. Yes, please do.” 

When he returned to the room a short while later, he attempted to sneak in, his presence only to be called out once again by the doctor. She gave him an apologetic smile as he took the seat beside her bed. 

“Alright, Dana. It looks like you’re only about 5 centimeters dilated, so we’ve got a little ways to go.” She groaned in response, throwing her head back heavily on the pillows. 

“What does that mean? Is something wrong?” 

“No, it just means I have to suffer longer.” She groaned as the doctor chuckled. 

“I’ll be back to check on you in an hour unless the contractions pick up before then. Now we just play the waiting game.” Dr. Evans patted her leg as she left the room, the nurses to follow. 

A silence settled over them once again, a monumental moment occurring in their life, neither finding the words to express their feelings. She fidgeted with her hands in her lap, the uncertainty washing over her. 

“Did you get a hold of my mother?” 

“Oh, uh yeah. I think she was surprised to hear from me.” He gave her a sheepish smile, meeting her eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. “She said that she was glad I was here with you, and to call her when there’s news on whether she has a grandson or granddaughter. You don’t know what you’re - what we’re -” 

“I know, I just haven’t told anyone else.” Another silence settled over the room, her sensing the unasked question on his lips. “I figured if you didn’t know, no one else should either.” 

“Thank you.” 

“You wanted to talk?” 

“I don’t think this is the best place -” 

“We can’t just keep pushing it off.” 

She watched him nod, gathering the thoughts in his mind. He was definitely at the advantage here, given her current state of confinement to her hospital bed. She studied him, failing to anticipate the topic of subject he was going to bring up this time. His words brought her from her thoughts, almost startling her as her mind trailed off. 

“What kind of deal did you make with them, about the baby?” His voice was the smallest she had ever heard from him. The worry was so evident in his eyes as he attempted to keep his emotions in control. 

“The guys didn’t -?” 

“They knew?” 

“Well, not directly, but I just thought they’d put all the pieces together when I asked them to run the tests.” His brow furrowed, and now she was just as confused as him. “They want to test the baby’s genetics for different strains of superhuman outliers. With both of our exposures to the vaccine and the black oil, they think there might be alien DNA.” 

“And what, you just offered them our child?” His tongue was sharp, causing her to instantly go into defense mode. Her frustration with him even overshadowed the use of ‘our’ when referring to the baby. 

“No, of course not. I know you think I’m some heartless bitch, but this is  _ my  _ baby, and I’m doing everything I can to protect him.” 

“I don’t -” He paused, letting out a heavy sigh. “So then what deal did you make?” 

“I offered for them to test the stem cells in the umbilical cord after birth. Anything they think they’re going to find, they can find through that.”

“And what happens, when they do find something?” 

“They won’t. That’s what I had the guys already screen for. I am not incubating any mutant DNA. Just a child who will probably be overly stubborn, and way too restless to control.” She huffed, causing a small smile to form on his lips as he nodded in agreement. 

She studied him carefully, his head still hanging low with the shadow of a smile lingering around on his lips. His head popped up, another thought resurfacing. She was suddenly anxious about whatever he was going to ask, but the semi-elated look on his face made her exhale with a slight relief. 

“Scully…” 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s a boy?” His voice sounded whimsical, like she had just given him every secret to the universe. Replaying their conversation, she smiled at her slip up. If only her mother had known the neat little trick to get her worked up enough to reveal the gender. 

“Mhm.” She managed, choking back the sobs building in her throat. Damn these hormones. “A son, Mulder.”

* * *

MULDER   
2001

A son. He was having a son. That thought took over every sense and emotion in his body, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, he felt happy. No, he’s felt this before, with the very woman who was carrying his child, but this was different. This kind of love and happiness was pure, not tainted with lies or conspiracies. He would do whatever it took to keep his son as far away from any of this nonsensical darkness as possible. 

He could feel her watching him, anticipating his next move. He honestly didn’t have an answer for her as to where they stood. His journey away, or not as far away as she might have thought, did him some good. He was able to clear his head, weigh every new truth revealed in the last few months. His only conclusion was that he wanted to be here, for his child. His son, he now knew. 

The muffled sound of her moans broke him from his reverie, bringing him back to where he was. He inched forward to comfort her, stopping in his actions. He hated this conflicted feeling that still waged a war inside of him, but the look of sheer anguish on her face clouded every other emotion. 

He leaned in close enough to place his hand over hers, squeezing it slightly to let her know that he was there. Her hand recoiled at the sudden move, eyes widening. He pulled back at her reaction, both of them uncertain about how to act. 

“Sorry, you just - startled me.” She said quietly. 

“No, I shouldn’t have.” He let out a heavy sigh. The confusion between them was all his doing, he knew he was being hesitant with his emotions, and it wasn’t fair for either of them. He wanted to forgive her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so just yet. He still had questions, things he needed to know before allowing himself to move forward. 

“It’s okay, if you want...it’s okay.” He smiled at her sheepishly, seeing the blush creep up onto her cheeks. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“I’m ready for this child to be out. He’s been doing somersaults in there, and I’m almost positive that he already inherited your insomnia.” 

“I’m going to apologize now for whatever other Mulder genes decide to shine through.” A chuckle huffed from his lips, and she relished in the sound. Another thought popping into his head, another question he was scared to ask. “Hey, Scully…” 

“Mm?” 

“Have you, uh, thought about names, for him?” 

“A few.” 

“I know -” He paused, a deep sigh escaping his lips. “I know I haven’t exactly been around, and I definitely don’t deserve it because I’ve been an ass, and the fact that you’re even letting me be here right now, is...it’s more than I thought I’d be able to experience when I came back. We haven’t exactly talked about anything, and things still aren’t...between us, it’s complicated. But, I was hoping you could work in the Mulder name.” 

He took a deep breath, saying what he had to. He couldn’t meet her eyes, not yet. When he concluded that he definitely wanted to be here for his child, he realized she would be the one controlling everything about that situation, and slightly panicked. She wasn’t the type for pettiness or revenge, she was too pure of heart for that. He always admired how she could see the good in everyone, especially in him. She pulled the light from within him, illuminated his charm through the darkness that often consumed their souls. He just wished he could trust her as much as he loved her. 

“That, it was never a question. I was planning to give him the Mulder name whether you came back or not.” Her voice was small as it faded off into another contraction. He looked up to meet her eyes, only to see her face contort in pain. This time when he reached for her hand, she gripped onto his tightly, pulling him to her as she rode it out. 

“Wow.” He shook his hand free of hers as it subsided, causing her cheeks to tinge with more color, if that were even possible. 

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t be, that’s what I’m here for.” He gave her an honest smile, and he could practically see the emotions passing through her gaze. 

“How are we doing in here?” Dr. Evans came bouncing back in, smiling at their close stance. 

“I’m ready to get this baby out.” She huffed, causing Mulder to smirk. “Please tell me it’s time, I feel like it’s time.” 

“Let me take a look...we are just about there. Oh, not quite. We’re getting closer!” She mused, Scully groaning and throwing her head back on the pillow. He reached for her hand again, letting her know he was there. 

After the doctor left, another silence settled around them, it’s never been this awkward and uncomfortable. Every time he opened his mouth to say something, he thought against it. She stayed staring ahead at the tv, breathing through contractions as they hit. His hand hadn’t left hers since the doctor made her exit. 

“I have something for you.” The small voice made him hesitant, brow furrowing in question. “Can you bring me my bag?” 

He handed it to her wordlessly, settling it on the side of her atop the bed. She dug through it, pulling out two thick notebooks. They were well worn, every inch clearly used at some point. Did she keep a journal? No, it looked too textbook for that. Following her directions, he put the bag back on the table in the corner of the room, waiting for an explanation. 

“I, I had hoped you would be here, when the baby was born. So I put these in my hospital bag, to give to you here.” She took a deep breath, staring at the frayed pages in her hands. “These are my notes, on the x-files, on you. This is a documentation of every case we’ve worked, before I typed them up in reports. It’s mostly shorthand, just my own jotted down notations.” 

She handed him one of the notebooks, which he accepted graciously. He ran his hand over the cover, skeptical to possess it. He wasn’t sure what can of worms this would be opening, and wasn’t in the right place or mindset. 

“What’s the other one?” 

“These, are my personal notes. More of a diary, if that’s how you want to look at it. The dates all coincide with the other.” She said softly, handing him the second binding of tattered pages. 

He stared at them for longer than he probably should, she had just handed him the truth, her truth. This wasn’t something she could fake or lie about, this was every part of her, what he knew, and what he thought he did. 

“Why - why did you keep personal notes, too?” 

“Mulder, I tried to walk away, more times than I can count. I feared that the further I dug myself, the harder it would be to convince you that I was on your side. So I started documenting my own notations, that had to do with you, and not the cases.” 

“Why did it matter so much to you, in the beginning when you tried to leave, why would my opinion affect your life? You said it yourself, you nearly tried to leave after the first case, why would them telling me have such an impact on you?” 

“Because I -” She paused to ride out another contraction. He settled the notebooks off to the side and took the seat next to her, scooting the chair just a little closer. Their hands remained locked. “I think I loved you, even before I was able to admit it to myself. In the beginning, I’m not sure it was that strong, but it was there. Losing you was my biggest fear, and...well, we know how that turned out.” She scoffed. 

“You didn’t lose me, Scully. I’m -” 

“You’re here for the baby, you said it yourself. I don’t need you to be here for me based on a sympathy vote, or an obligation. I want you to really think about what you want from this, and take your time. Read the notes, then make your decision.” She finished confidently, and he admired that she was able to hash out such an admission. It wasn’t exactly in her normal characteristics to expose herself emotionally, but things were different now. 

He didn’t have a response, words failing him. A simple nod as he brought their conjoined hands to his lips, kissing the back of hers. She squeezed his hand tighter, the tears threatening to escape her eyes. 

“Thank you.” He whispered into her hand, a silent nod from her allowed them to finally settle in an agreeable environment. 

Before either of them could find a response, a stronger contraction bore through her body, causing her to cry out in anguish. He knew it was part of the process, but he hated seeing her like this. Her hand gripped onto his, and he was reminded that he should never underestimate her size, because her strength was definitely admirable. 

“Should I, uh, get the doctor?” With a few huffs, she nodded, unable to form any further responses. 

Practically running out the door, he nearly collided with the doctor. She rested her hand on his arm to settle him, flashing a reassuring smile. Dr. Evans must have sensed his nervousness, because she gave his arm a slight squeeze, leaning in so that only he could hear her. 

“It’s time to meet your son.” She said with a smile. He was startled, the acknowledgement that this was in fact his child was something only ever discussed between him and Scully. It was never addressed by any outside spectators, only assumptions made in their direction. 

“Please tell me it’s time.” Scully whimpered, settling herself as best she could against the pillows. He moved to stand beside her once more, waiting for instructions. 

“Oh, it’s definitely time!” The doctor began prepping, getting in position as nurses began to gather in the room. There were so many machines he didn’t understand, was all this necessary to deliver a baby? Scully’s grip on his hand tightened once more, bringing him back to the moment. He was almost sure she wouldn’t kick him out, but he remained silent just to be sure. His presence in the room was enough to let her know he was there. 

The doctor instructed him to help ease Scully as she pushed, him placing a warm hand on her back in response. She pushed once, the doctor instructing her to hold as she positioned the baby further. Whatever she was doing down there didn’t look pleasant, and he was thankful to be by her side instead. A second push and Scully’s breathing quickened as she threw herself back against his resting hand. 

“I can’t, it’s too much, I’m too tired.” She began shaking her head as Dr. Evans tried muttering reassuring sentiments. He could feel the doctor looking in his direction, chancing a glance as she urged him with her eyes to help. 

“Come on, Scully. You can do this.” He leaned in closer to her ear, he hadn’t been this close to her since he distanced himself, and he was relishing in the moment. Despite his feelings, this was where he wanted to be right now. 

“No, Mulder...I’m too tired.” 

“Dana, I need you to push, the baby is in position again.” 

She whimpered, her face turning towards where she could sense his, her cheek brushing against his lips. He kissed her temple, mumbling against her hair. He felt her nod, then bury her head in the crook of his neck as she pushed once more. 

The sound of his son’s newborn lungs filled the room, and they both sighed in relief. The nurses escorted the baby to the nearby station, cleaning him off and obtaining his measurements. He felt a faint squeeze on his hand, glancing down to see Scully’s tired eyes. 

“Go with him, please.” She sounded worried, and he immediately knew what she was asking. Make sure everything’s okay and the guys weren’t wrong. Make sure their child is indeed completely their child, and not harboring any alien DNA. He nodded as he understood the question, making his way over to the table. 

The first sight of his son took his breath away, he couldn’t help the smile spreading over his face. The nurse attempted to wrangle him into a blanket as he fought with all his might. He chuckled, their child was definitely stubborn, he expected nothing else. 

“Here you go.” The nurse smiled at him as he placed the baby in his arms. He was suddenly terrified, realizing his knowledge of babies was nowhere near his knowledge range of extraterrestrials. His mouth opened as if to say something, the nurse cleaning up the station and walking away from him. 

“Bring him to me.” Her voice made him startled, his grip tightening in a protective manner against his own gracelessness. 

As he walked towards her, he met her eyes, and she smiled at him. This was something they could share, a common ground in the mess that was currently their lives. She was watching him, he was aware. He smiled down at his son, kissing his soft forehead before placing him gently in Scully’s arms. 

“He’s beautiful.” She marveled at the tiny bundle in her arms, letting his small fingers wrap around hers. 

“He definitely has your coloring.” 

“His build is all you.” She mumbled as her doctor’s eye proceeded in her inspection of the baby. She trusted everyone in the room, she picked them herself, but she wanted to be sure. 

“He has your nose.” She chuckled, and let out a sigh of relief, relaxing for the first time with the sound that escaped her lips. 

“Dana, why don’t you see if he’ll latch on.” She nodded and went to undo the top of the gown. He froze, realizing what was happening and began chewing on his lip as he diverted his eyes anywhere except on Scully’s bare, enlarged breast. 

He nudged his toe into the ground, waiting for any kind of signal that it was okay to look back in her direction. The room was silent, other than the fussy sounds coming from his son. A sign, something, just don’t look at her. 

“Oh, he’s doing great! You’ve got yourself a good eater there.” The doctor finally chimed in, causing him to turn. She had thrown a receiving blanket over her shoulder, covering the baby as she fed him. “I’ll let you have some time. We’ll be back to take him from you in a bit so you can get some rest.” 

He once again settled in the seat beside her bed, watching the pure content and bliss on her face as she watched the baby. He wanted this, though it’s not something he would have ever pictured for himself, this was where he wanted his life to go. He knew it would be difficult, given his feelings towards her, but he sure as hell wanted to try. 

“You’re staring, Mulder.” He shook his thoughts, seeing the smirk on her lips as she glanced sideways at him. 

“Sorry, I was just - thinking.” 

“Is that a good or bad thing?” 

“I bought a house.” 

“You -” He watched her brow furrow, at a loss for words. He didn’t exactly mean to tell her like that, but there it was. There was still some debate in his mind about whether or not she was welcome to stay there, too. “What?” 

“While I was gone, I found this house, just outside the city, and it just seemed...perfect. I fixed it up a bit, and it’ll need more work, but it has a yard and a nice porch.” There was no rhyme or reason for him telling her this, and he knew he was confusing the hell out of her, but he wanted her to know that he was trying. 

“And you’re - moving there?” 

“Eventually. I would like to bring - uh, Scully…” 

“Yeah?” Brow still furrowed, her voice was just a whisper. 

“Does he have a name?” He watched her visibly relax, a huffed chuckle escaping her lips. She nodded, smiling as she removed him from her breast. She handed the baby to him as she fixed the top of her gown and cleaned herself up. Apparently this was something they did now. 

He kept his attention on the bundle in his arms, using his investigative eye to take in every detail of his son’s profile. He was definitely mostly Scully, but she was right, he’d be an awkward, tall, lean teenager in no time. 

“William.” She spoke softly, waiting for him to look up at her again. It didn’t take long for his head to bob up at her. “After your father.” 

He smiled down again at his son, William. It was perfect, his entire life leading up to this very moment. In this frozen instance of time, he realized that he was now holding all the answers to every question he’s ever sought. She gave him that, she was his scope to life, and he now had that in their son. He leaned forward, catching her by surprise as his lips met hers for a brief, chaste kiss. 

“Thank you.” 

He didn’t know what this child would mean for their relationship, but he knew it was a fresh start. The look of pure adoration in her eyes for him gave him some ounce of hope for their future. He couldn’t trust her with his past, but he wanted to trust her with his future, their future. 

After leaving the hospital, he situated himself in his lonely apartment. It felt weird for him to be back, like he was returning to something of his darker past. The new home he had built for himself was open, and light. It gave him a space to clear his mind, and consider everything that had happened. 

With a heavy sigh, he reached forward and flipped open the notebook to the first page. The bubbling of his fish tank and the indistinct words on the television the background noise as he discovered the truth. 

Mulder startled awake, hearing the incessant sound of his phone ringing, notebook pages strewn all over him. He grabbed the phone, clearing his throat before answering. His consciousness was still foggy, trying to make sense of what was happening. 

“Yeah...Mulder.” 

“Hey.” The small voice filled his ears, putting him on alert. He sat up straighter. “It’s me.” 

“Scully, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m just - nervous, about him not being here with me. I know the staff is always around the newborns, but with everything…” 

“Hey, he’s going to be fine. I, uh, actually have the guys doing their own surveillance. They would call if there was any sign of trouble.” 

He could hear her huff out a small laugh, relaxing at the sound. He did miss her, as much as he hated the feeling, he wanted to be with her. Given his half-asleep state, his better judgement slightly dwindled, causing the traitorous words to leave his lips. 

“I could come back, and stay with you tonight.” 

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called.” 

“Give me 20 minutes.” He disconnected the call before she had a chance to object, or he had the moment to change his mind. What the hell was he doing? 

When he arrived to the hospital, he had no problem getting up to her room at the late hour. His name was on the authorized list, it was just a matter of whether or not he took advantage of the privilege. He crept in slowly, seeing her resting with her eyes closed. Years of sneaking glances as she slept in the connecting motel room told him that she wasn’t actually asleep. 

“You’re actually here.” She smiled, her eyes opening to a slit. He smiled, nodding as he took his seat next to her bed. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He answered honestly, causing her smile to brighten. 

“Did you read my notes?” 

“Some. I think I was a little more worn out than I was admitting to myself, so I fell asleep somewhere along the way.” 

“Thoughts?” 

“I don’t know, Scully.” A heavy sigh released from his chest as he leaned back in the chair. “I read the notes, and then your personal notes, and I want to believe that everything you say in the notations is true. I want to trust you again.” 

“I know, Mulder, I’m so sorry.” The tears stung her eyes, they were both too exhausted to have this conversation, and yet, here they were. 

“I know, and I do believe that. I just - why Scully? Why did you continue to work for them for so long?” 

“Because she had too much to lose.” The voice came from the door, both of them turning their attention abruptly. The cloud of smoke shadowed his dark figure, but they knew who it was. 

He stood to lunge forward at the bastard, Scully’s arm reaching out to hold him back the best she could. Her pleading eyes were the only thing stopping him, for now. She was right, they needed answers from him, and they wouldn’t exactly get that with his way. 

“What the hell do you want?” He growled at him, attempting to control his breathing. 

“I wanted to come deliver the good news to you myself. We tested the offerings, however it seems the child is not what we had hoped.” 

“So you’ll leave us alone?” She asked, her voice wavered only slightly, maintaining her confidence to finally end this. 

“We do not need anything from you at this point in time. If anything changes, we’ll be in touch.” He flashed them a smug grin, turning to leave. 

“Don’t count on it.” Mulder chimed in, his hand now linked with Scully’s. If they were united on anything, it was protecting their child. He wanted that known. 

The silence settled over the room once again as Mulder paced back and forth, trying to calm his mind. He wanted to kill the smoking son of a bitch, but it wasn’t worth it. They were free now, of sorts. He could feel her eyes on him, anticipating his next move. The minute his gaze met hers, he understood the question lingering around them. Would he leave again, on another quest? Would he chase down the demons and shadows trying to make sense of what happened tonight? 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I want to believe that.” 

“Look, I know that things have been difficult between us, but I am here. I’m not leaving again.” 

“Mulder, I know you, and your restlessness. I also know about your temper, and I can’t constantly have to wonder whether you’re going to be my friend that day, or hate me. That’s not an environment I want my son raised in.” 

“He’s my son, too!” He shouted a little louder than he anticipated. They both froze, neither having a response. “I want this to work.” 

“This?” 

“Co-parenting. Raising him in a semi-normal environment. Keeping him as far away from all of this as possible.” He sighed, head hanging heavy on his shoulders. 

“Are you, returning to work at the bureau?” 

“I wasn’t planning on it, no. While I was gone, I - started writing, under a pseudonym. I gained an online following, so I figured I’d make some money off of it.” He shrugged, he was being humble. “Plus, I’ve got some money from my parents’ estates to keep me going for a while.” 

“You’ve definitely got plenty of material to write from over the years.” She smiled, trying to keep the mood calm, neutral. 

“I was actually hoping that I could reference some of your notes. It would help me get a different perspective on some of the cases.” 

“Of course, whatever you need.” 

“What do you need, Scully? I keep feeling like my presence makes you miserable.” 

“I -” She paused, looking down at her hands. Whatever her response, she was scared to say it outloud to him. “I’m not miserable, I want you to be here. But I want you to fully be here. I can’t handle this constant back and forth, Mulder. It’s driving me insane. I want to know where I stand with you so I don’t always feel like I’m walking on eggshells.” 

“I’m working on it.” 

“I know, and I appreciate it. I just, need some kind of promise before entering into this next sort of life.” 

“I’ve been an ass, I know. You don’t totally deserve that, I’m just hurt. I -” He paused, leaning forward to take her hand in his. “I promise to try, I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I want this to work.” 

“That’s all I ask.” She smiled, squeezing his fingers slightly in response. If they could do anything together, it was be partners. 

“I think, I found all my answers in him, Scully. I was always searching for family, wanting to know what the deeper meaning behind my quests were, but it’s him. I think we’ll do alright.” 

She huffed out a small laugh, nodding in agreement. They weren’t the worst parents he could have, just a little weird. He could see the worry on her face, wanting to believe him, that they could indeed do this together. She wanted more, but he wasn’t there yet. 

“I should let you sleep.” 

“You could stay. There’s a couch.” She nodded behind him at the small loveseat against the wall. It definitely wasn’t his trusty old leather, but he didn’t want to be anywhere else. 

He laid himself on the couch, relaxing as her breathing began to deepen and she drifted off to sleep. He did want this, to be here, for the both of them. It was going to take time, and definitely effort on his part, but he was willing to try. He needed to, for his son. Their son. She gave him the best gift anyone could, and for that, he at least owed her his trying endeavor. 

“Hey Scully…” 

“Mm?” She mumbled, nearly asleep. 

“Thank you, for my son.” 


	6. Sweetest Devotion

SCULLY  
DECEMBER 2001

She was exhausted, mentally and physically. After the baby was born, she decided to go back to medicine, more specifically, teaching. She was an instructor at a local hospital, offering her services when needed to be their pathologist. It was trying at first, having to get reacquainted with the long work hours, but she pushed through it. It gave her a sense of consistency and pattern, unlike her current situation with Mulder. 

He was putting in every effort he had, she knew that much, but their relationship, if that’s what you could call it, was still up in the air. The only thing they knew how to do, was partner in parenting their son. 

Her feet felt heavy as she trudged up the stairs to the door, baby carrier in one hand, his bag in the other. She placed him gently on the porch, finding the key to unlock the door. He had surprised her with that one when he dropped her off at home after leaving the hospital. She pushed her way through the house, it was quieter than usual. 

She took William out of his seat, cradling him in her arms as she began searching the house for Mulder. He knew she was dropping him off today, and she was 3 hours later than she said she would be. The light glowing from the slit under the door of his office caught her attention. 

“Mulder?” 

“Oh, hey Scully.” He looked startled, like he wasn’t expecting her, causing her brow to furrow. Had she gotten her days mixed up? She hated this ‘my day, your day’ schedule. 

“Mulder have you been locked in here all day?” 

“I…think so. I was trying to meet my deadline before the squirt got here. I must have lost track of time.” He paused, turning back to his computer. “What time is it?” 

“It’s almost 9. I’m late, I had to do an autopsy before I picked him up from my mom’s and brought him.” 

“You should have called me, I could have just picked him up.” She nodded, knowing it was an option, but this was the only way she had the chance to see him. Some nights, if she was lucky, he’d invite her to stay for dinner. They were cordial and friendly, as if establishing their relationship all over again. 

“I knew you were writing, I didn’t want to distract you.” 

“Do you want to stay? I still have the lasagna that your mom made.” She scoffed, she sweared her mother catered more to his single parent life than hers. 

“I can heat it up, let you finish.” She smiled at him, and he returned the gesture. There was a sense of family in their exchanges, but every time she attempted to take it further, he pulled away. She knew he was coming around slowly, but it was going to take time. 

Moving through the house with ease, she sat the baby in his chair, and began to heat up their dinner. Once it was going, she fed him a bottle while she began to go through student notes. She was so lost in her work, she didn’t notice Mulder standing there, leaning against the doorframe watching her. She peered up at him over her glasses, seeing a different look in his eyes. She couldn’t quite decipher it, and didn’t want to get too hopeful. She could have sworn she’d seen that look a few times before. 

The beeping of the oven caused them both to break their locked gaze. She scrambled to put William, who was passed out in her arms, down so she could get the food. Her instincts were to do everything by herself, forgetting that she indeed had someone to help in this moment. She wished she always had him. 

“Can you, uh, just take the food out of the oven?” 

“Sure.” He nodded, following her instructions as she placed the baby in his crib in the upstairs room. 

She startled when she walked into the room, seeing a bed beside where the crib was placed. It wasn’t there when she was here a few days ago. That was definitely a new addition to his furniture. Urging herself to not get too hopeful, she changed the baby and laid him down for the evening, preparing herself to join Mulder again. Things were changing, that much she could sense. 

When she met him in the kitchen again, he had retrieved two wine glasses from the cabinets, and there was a bottle of her favorite red sitting on the table. She approached slowly, mentally trying to figure out if she was missing any important dates. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday, or any kind of anniversary. What the hell was he playing at? 

“I, uh, figured it would go good with the lasagna.” He stammered, and she could instantly tell he was nervous about something. Perhaps being locked away alone for too many hours unsupervised was not good for him. 

“Just a little please, I still have to drive home.” She thanked him with her eyes as she took her spot at the table. The fact that she had a regular spot was a small victory in and of itself. 

“You - uh…” He paused, his hand still on the bottle, unable to meet her eyes. “You could stay, tonight. Unless you have something tomorrow.” 

“It’s a weekend.” 

“I bought an extra bed.” 

“I noticed.” Her eyes were gleaming at him. He had been working up to this, it was definitely a leap for him. 

“I just figured, on weekends, you don’t always have to drive back and forth.” He explained, trying to justify his actions. It was the sweetest thing he’s done for her, to give her this small step into a different kind of relationship. 

“Thank you.” 

They enjoyed their dinner in a comfortable conversation. He asked about the hospital, and she filled him in on the excessive amount of autopsies that she’s been doing. She realized she missed talking to him, and was rambling on. The wine she sipped pausing her words. 

“How’s the writing going?” She didn’t know what happened, but his eyes changed. The way he looked at her made her breath catch. 

“It’s good. I - uh, used some of your notes today. I read through more, and just got myself into a focus that I couldn’t break.” 

“That’s great, I’m glad he’s not too much of a handful during the week, and you’re able to move along to meet your deadline.” 

“Nah, he’s a pretty cool kid.” 

“You’re not bias or anything.” 

“Not even a little.” He grinned at her. What the hell was happening? She didn’t know, but she was going to just let it run its course. She was afraid to ask his thoughts on the notes he read. If there was anything she could guarantee, it was that he had read her notations and memorized them. 

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay?” She asked distractedly as she washed the dishes. He told her not to worry about them, but she needed something to keep her mind preoccupied. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t.” He came up behind her, causing her breath to hitch. His hand touched her back as he slipped by her to help with the dishes. It was these little grazes that she missed, the way he touched her before he knew. 

They rested comfortably on the couch, another glass of wine in hand. It was like old times, as they silently watched a movie. She was sitting with her feet curled under her, shivering as the cool, night air made its way through the house. Before she could form another thought, a blanket was covering her, his touch so tender. She met his eyes. The tears brimming her own when she saw a guaranteed look in his gaze, something she could not mistake. He still loved her. 

*****

2000

She woke to a blanket covering her, startling for a moment as she remembered where she was. Mulder’s apartment, his couch. She regained her consciousness, roaming around the quiet surroundings, sleepily trying to find out where he went. 

As she approached his bedroom, she saw him sprawled out on his bed. She almost forgot he even had a bed sometimes, she instantly felt bad for kicking him off his couch. It was late, and she was still exhausted. Too many emotions coming to surface in the past 24 hours, not to mention her semi-religious experience she had. Things still didn’t make sense. 

Drained, she quietly made her way to his drawer, knowing exactly where he kept his t-shirts. She pulled one out, first shedding her sweater, and then her bra. It was dark in the room, but her self-consciousness still kicked in, her back facing to where Mulder lay. As the oversized garment fell over her curves, she shimmied and kicked off her skirt, leaving them in a crumpled mess on the floor as she went to use his restroom. She admired herself in his shirt, sneakily thinking of ways to steal some for her own collection. 

When she came back to his room, she tidied up her clothes, laying them neatly off to the side. It was still dark, and his long figure illuminated in the moonlight. She was tempted, perhaps more than usual. Biting her lip, she climbed into bed with him, laying on her side to face him and watch his bare chest rise and fall as he slept. 

“Mulder.” It was just a whisper, testing her new lines that she was drawing. “Mulder.” 

“Sc - Scully?” He mumbled, eyes squinting as he attempted to open them. He blinked several times, as if the next time she would disappear and wasn’t really there. 

“Sorry. I couldn’t sleep.” Her head inched towards his face, her body cuddling inwards to where his warmth was wafting off of him. 

“Is everything okay?” He asked cautiously, noticing her eyes were honed in on his lack of clothing. He sucked in a sharp breath as her delicate hand began roaming over his chest. 

“I think so.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She could tell he was being apprehensive, not wanting to make any sudden movements in case whatever she was doing would stop abruptly. 

“Mm, no.” She inched towards him again, this time her leg brushing up against his. She met his eyes, seeing the silent question he was asking. He was asking if they were really doing this, if this was okay. She just didn’t have an answer for him.

They laid silently in the dark, snuggled as close as they could without completely touching. She could feel his breath tickling her lips. She licked her own, meeting his eyes once again. Attempting to convey through her gaze that she wanted this, her eyes gleamed at him. Even in the dark, she could see his take on another expression she’s never quite allowed herself to notice. He loved her, just as she loved him. It gave her hope that all her unknown wrongdoings could one day be forgiven. 

“Is this you making the right choice?” His voice was smooth, calming to her senses as she began to relax against him. His warmth was pulling her in, a beacon for her yearning. 

“I think this is the only choice.” Her nose nudged his, lips parting in anticipation. This was long overdue, and after evaluating where her life could have led, she knew now, more than ever, that this is exactly where she was supposed to be. It was wrong, given who she really worked for, but she had held back for too long. She wasn’t going to let them take anything else away from her, especially not him. 

When their lips met, it was like everything made sense to her. This was the right path for her, despite what her family may think. Their work was just that, both of theirs. It had become her fight, too, along the way, more than he knew. Tongues flickering against each other, her leg snuck in between his thighs as he turned his body into her. His hand rested on her hip, scrunching the material in his hands as their embrace deepened. He was practically on top of her before he pulled back to catch his breath, his forehead resting on hers. 

“Scully…” 

“Yeah?”

“Did you steal my shirt?” Even in the dark, she knew her cheeks were visibly blushed. 

“Maybe.” She smiled, her lips meeting his again. “What are you going to do about it?” 

“I think, it should be returned to its rightful owner.” He teased back, feeling the chuckle escape her mouth against his lips. She surprised him when she pushed him on his back, straddling his legs. It only took him a few seconds to realize she didn’t have anything on underneath. The way he looked at her, she hoped that expression never left his eyes. 

As she dressed herself in the morning, seeing her reflection in the mirror, she just saw guilt. This was their final step into a something they couldn’t turn back from, and she led him there. He needed to know the truth, soon, before she could expect that they move forward. It killed her, every day, lying to him. She snuck out quietly in the twilight hours of the morning, seeing him laying there contently after their coming together. She knew he would understand the surface reason of why she didn’t stay, but he would never understand the true cause. 

*****

2001

“It’s getting late, we should -” He paused, bringing her back to the moment. She nodded in agreement, helping him close down the house. He locked the doors as she turned off lights, working in a unison as if they do this every night. 

They both went to their separate doors, pausing as their hands were on the doorknobs. They could do this, this small step forward. He was making progress, and she was being patient. She owed him that much at least. 

“There’s a toothbrush in the extra bathroom, and towels and anything else you may need.” She turned, smiling at him faintly in the dim hallway. 

“Thank you, good night Mulder.” 

“Night, Scully.” 

She checked on the baby, sound asleep in his crib, before getting herself ready for bed. Realizing now that the last minute change of plans left her without anything to change into, she let out a heavy sigh, stripping down to her underwear. She didn’t hear the door open behind her as she folded her clothes neatly, turning to set them on the small chair in the corner of the room. 

“Mulder, is something wrong?” She stepped forward, forgetting her state of undress when she saw his eyes widen. 

“I - uh, was coming to see if you needed to borrow something to sleep in, but -” He held the shirt tightly in his hands, gawking at her. 

“Oh, thank you.” She stepped towards him to retrieve the shirt, hiding the smirk building on her lips. The look in his eyes gave her a confidence she couldn’t explain. She missed this. “Are you going to give me the shirt?” 

“I’m questioning that now.” He did an obvious once over of her in her matching, lacy bra and panty set. The deep blue was an amazing contrast on her skin. 

“Good night, Mulder.” She stepped directly in front of him, slipping the shirt from his hands and gently pushing him out of the room. Before the door closed, there was a shadow of a smile on his face.

* * *

MULDER  
DECEMBER 2001

Having the memory he did, left with some strange images in his head from time to time. Some he’d rather forget, some he’d stuck in the front of his memory when he really needed it during those lonely nights. But this, seeing her standing there in just a bra and very small underwear, that was something he’d definitely replay a few times tonight. Her waist was trim again, her breasts filling out nicely as she continued to breastfeed. 

There were so little opportunities to see her like this, before everything went to hell. They had only been intimate approximately 3 times since the first time he kissed her on New Year’s. It was the best decision that he had ever made, because it led them to this. It led them to William. 

He didn’t know what overcame him, but reading through her journal notes all day, it struck something inside of him. He began feeling things he didn’t think were possible anymore, and it gave him hope. The bed was bought early in the morning during a coffee induced midnight writing session, and set for a same day delivery. He had hoped she would accept his invitation and stay at least for the night. 

When William was first born, he hung around her apartment for the first couple of weeks, helping with the baby, separating duties. They were able to partner and co-parent, but when the time came for the baby to sleep, an awkward silence usually fell over the room. He didn’t want to leave, just because they had nothing to say to each other, but he wasn’t sure he could just pick up where they left off. William brought them closer than they had been in the last year, but he couldn’t fix everything. 

“Scully, I - I want to talk to you about something.” He had broken one of their silent tv binges, clearly startling her. 

“Okay.” Her voice was a whisper and she refused to look at him. Whenever he wanted to start a conversation, it usually ended in an argument. 

“I hate this.” He turned towards her, his full attention in her direction. “I know it’s mostly because you’re giving me the space I asked for, and I appreciate that, but this...silence, it’s killing me.” 

“I don’t like it either, Mulder. You know where I stand, and what I want, everything else is up to you.” 

“I know, I know. I have an idea.” 

“Well that’s never a good thing.” He went to say something in defense, stopping as he saw the smirk appear on her lips. She was light, playful. He could work with her like this. 

“I was thinking that maybe, we can...start over.” Okay, perhaps he overestimated her mood. She furrowed her brow, pout appearing on her lips as she finally turned to him. 

“Start over? How the hell do you expect us to do that?” 

“I don’t mean completely. I just mean, with us.” 

“And what? We’re supposed to ignore the 8 week old sleeping in the next room?” She scoffed, her comment causing a silent chuckle to ripple through his chest. 

“No, of course not. I just mean, I want this to work, but I have a lot to process still, and I don’t know, maybe it was a stupid idea.” He shook his head, slouching back against the couch. He heard her sigh, a soft hand covering his in a comforting gesture. 

“It’s not a stupid idea, I just - I don’t know if I can just forget everything we’ve been through together, Mulder.” 

“I’m not asking you to. I’m just asking that, maybe we try to be friends before we move forward.” He said slowly, her eyes meeting his once more. 

“Do you want to...move forward?” 

“I don’t know yet. But, I’d like for us to at least be friends.” 

He waited, watching her chew her bottom lip, clearly contemplating his proposal. This was worse than the silence, this was murderous. Awaiting an answer to a question he asked. She stared straight ahead, he didn’t think it was that complicated of a process. They would be friends, maybe the kind of friends they were once during their partnership, maybe something more. He didn’t have any guarantees for her, just that he would try. 

The baby crying in the background brought both of them back to the moment, her getting up wordlessly to collect him. He felt like he should do something, but he didn’t exactly have the proper utilities. She brought him back to the couch, settling herself as she threw a blanket over her shoulder, and began to breastfeed their child. He urged himself not to watch, but he stole glances when he could. 

“Okay.” Her voice was a whisper, eyes glancing down at the baby. 

“Okay?” 

“Let’s - try it. The starting over thing.” He smiled at her nonchalance, knowing it was taking everything in her to give up control over their situation. She did it for him. 

He laid in his bed, smiling at the memory, they could do this. He didn’t know how long he’d be able to hold off if she kept showing up in her underwear, but he’d damn well try. He didn’t want to rush anything, make things more complicated than it already was. He would wait, do this right. 

The next morning, he slept better than he had in weeks. He could chalk it up to having finished another chapter on his book, but he knew it was the security of having his whole family safely in his home. When he checked the clock on the side table, it was early, and he got dressed to go for a run. It’s something he enjoyed doing on the mornings he didn’t have the baby. The idea to take him in a stroller crossed his mind a few times, but he didn’t want that kind of attention. There was something about the way the women who ran in the park nearby looked at the single men trying to get in their morning workout. He knew adding a baby to that would only amplify their interest. 

“Oh, hey, you’re up early.” He startled for a moment, seeing her sitting on the couch, in only his shirt. He could get used to this, if he allowed himself this luxury. 

“Yeah, your child decided that today he wanted to wake up every hour so that I can either feed him, or change his diaper. We’ve been rotating the scheduled tasks.” She scoffed, folding a small onesie and setting it aside. She looked beautiful, in this candid moment. Tired, and a little irritated, but beautiful. He needed that run more now than he thought he did when he woke up, losing inhibitions with every glance in her direction. 

“I, uh, was going to go for a run. But if you want to get some more sleep, I can -” 

“No, I’m fine.” She gave him a sad smile, and he instantly felt guilty. 

“I can bring back some coffee, breakfast?” 

“Sure, Mulder. Thank you.” They smiled at each other in parting, they were getting somewhere. He wasn’t sure where, but it was better than where they were. 

When he returned back to the house, Scully was holding the baby as she graded papers. This was never something he’d imagined for his life, until he fell in love. His infatuation with his new partner began with wondering if she would go for a good office fuck, to wondering what she looked like sleeping next to him when he woke up every morning for the rest of his life. His idea of her changed after her revelation, but it never stopped him from wondering. Seeing her there, in his home, cradling their child in her arms, it gave him a sense of what he really wanted. It wasn’t going to be easy, but nothing in his life ever was. 

He smiled, hearing her attempting to mutter ‘Joy to the World’ in a soothing manner as the baby began to fuss in her arms. He let out a breathy chuckle, her finally realizing he was standing there. She turned and glared at him, but the smirk on her face couldn’t be hidden. 

“Are you making fun of my singing?” 

“Is that what that was? I think I was too out of it the first time you attempted the song.” 

“I may be holding the baby, but I could probably still shoot you.” 

“You really going to shoot the man who brought you coffee?” He teased, settling beside her on the couch. They had been getting good at this, being friends. Their usual banter returned, testing and teasing their limits. 

“Hey, I have a favor to ask.” She approached quietly, settling the baby in his bassinet. She cleared her throat, and he could immediately tell that she was uncomfortable about whatever she was going to ask. “I have a holiday work party, on an evening that I would normally bring him here. I was wondering if you’d be able to pick him up from me, instead? Or I can ask my mom to keep him, and bring him the next day.” 

“I can grab him from you, that’s not a problem.”

She smiled her thanks, and his mind wandered elsewhere. It was almost time for the Christmas season to kick into full gear. He now had questions on how that would work. Would they play the perfect little family at all the holiday festivities, was he even invited? He knew Maggie would extend the offer, but he wasn’t so sure everyone else in the family agreed, especially given their current non-status. 

“Hey Scully, what - uh, did you have plans for the holidays?” He needed to know, he would drive himself mad with the uncertainty. He took a moment to ponder that this was how she felt daily. 

“Oh. Um, just my mother’s on Christmas morning.” She bit her lip, and he could tell she was choosing her words carefully. “Did you...want to do something with him?”

“I don’t really have any plans.” She gave him a solemn look, they were his only family now. That understanding visibly passed through her, her eyes softening as she looked at him. 

“You could always come with us, to my mom’s. I’m sure she would love to have you join us.” 

Just her? He thought to himself, but he’d ask when the time was right.

* * *

SCULLY  
DECEMBER 2001

She had been running around all day, making last minute preparations for her holiday work party. They had informed her that she would be honored with an award for her academic teachings. All of her pupils studying directly beneath her were excelling in their fields. Plus, she already had her own waiting list for the next group of incoming students. 

Dropping off the baby at her mom’s earlier in the day cleared her schedule, allowing her the time needed. Since she was accepting an award, she figured it was the perfect opportunity to splurge on a new dress. Everyone was about to see a completely different side to Dr. Dana Scully. 

“Honey, I could go with you tonight, it’s a big night for you.” Her mom had reasoned, clearly pitying her for having to go alone. 

“Mom, it’s fine, it’s honestly just an award. I don’t plan on staying very long anyway.” 

It was a useless fight, her mother would still persist. She didn’t really want to go alone either, but her options for dates were slim these days. In a brief moment of exhaustion and frustration, she almost agreed to let one of the other doctors escort her for the evening. He’d had his eyes on her since she started, and he’s been very open about his intentions on several occasions. She just never had the heart to tell him that she was still in love with her moody, spooky, baby daddy. 

When the knock on her door came, it was later than she was expecting her mother. She was in her room, putting on her shoes and applying last minute touch ups to her makeup. She called out to just come in, she didn’t think she put the chain on when she got home. Furrowing her brow, she made her way to the front door to let her mother in. Her breath caught in her throat, seeing him standing there, in a tux, clearly ready to join her for her evening. 

“Mulder..” 

“Hey, Scully. I - um, didn’t want to just let myself in. I didn’t know if -” 

“What the hell are you doing here?” She didn’t sound angry, because she wasn’t. Confused, perhaps...elated, if she allowed herself to hold that small ounce of hope, but not angry. 

“Well, your mom called, for the second time today, and not so subtly hinted that you might be in need of a date for the evening, and that she was available to watch the baby since she didn’t have anything to do.” She rolled her eyes, the smirk forming on her lips. 

“I can’t believe she pimped me out.” She scoffed, moving aside to let him in. The fact that he wanted to spend any time with her outside events that involved the baby was warming her heart. 

“I’m glad she did.” His voice took a lower tone as his eyes raked over her body. “Scully, you look amazing.” 

She could feel the blush creeping on her cheeks, her entire face red. It was a wonder how he still had that effect on her. Biting her lip and bowing her head, she said her thanks and grabbed her purse from the room. 

“So what exactly am I getting myself into here?” 

“It’s just a holiday party, I don’t know why she’s making such a big deal about it.” 

“She mentioned something about an award.” 

“Oh. Yeah, they’re rewarding me for my teachings, since all of my students are doing so well.” She shrugged it off. There was always a competitiveness inside of her, with everything she did. The fact that she was the newest instructor, thriving in what she was brought in to do, gave her a sense of pride. Now that Mulder was here to share it with her, she thought she might enjoy her evening more than she originally anticipated. 

They made their way in without incident, just a few glances in her direction, most likely wondering who the man candy on Dr. Scully’s arm was. He led them to the bar, where she saw her fellow colleagues gathered, his hand placed firmly on her back. She met eyes with Dave Lewis, her persistent suitor, and knew this was going to be amusing. He smiled at her, before Mulder came into his view, causing his face to fall with his hopes. 

“Dana, it’s nice to see you here. You look beautiful.” He flashed her his overly white smile, his bright blue eyes sparkling at her. If Mulder hadn’t consumed her entire life, Dave would definitely be someone she would at least give a chance. He was handsome, smart, a total catch...just not hers. 

“Thank you, Dave.” She smiled warmly at him before licking her lips and turning to Mulder. She could feel the weight of his hand on her back become heavier with this special greeting. “This is Fox Mulder, my - uh” She paused, they probably should have discussed that before coming here tonight. “Mulder, this is Dave Lewis, he’s the Chief General Surgeon at the hospital.” 

They made their cordial greeting, their whole group making their way from the bar to the table. Mulder sat closer to Scully, Dave on the other side of her. She bit back the smile forming on her lips. His jealousy meant that she was still his, and he wasn’t ready to let go that easily. She rested her hand on his thigh under the table, silently calming his anxious energy. He smiled at her, nodding in understanding. She had no interest in Dave, despite his efforts. 

“So Dana, we’ve all waited patiently enough, who’s the cute, mystery guy?” A floating doctor asked, if she remembered correctly, her last name was Bennett. Scully rolled her eyes, sure that Mulder was letting the ‘cute’ comment go to his head. She turned to look at him as his eyes met hers, challenging her to answer with the truth. 

“This is Fox Mulder, he - we were partners at the bureau.” She sipped her wine, leaving it at that. 

“Just...partners?” Dr. Bennett chimed in again. 

“For about 8 years, yes.” 

“Uh huh…” She didn’t seem convinced, and neither did Dave, but Scully really didn’t care. There wasn’t anything else to explain to them. She figured ‘we were partners, and then became romantically involved until he found out I betrayed him, but I still had his child, so we’re trying to be friends again’ seemed too complicated for anyone that didn’t know them. It was still confusing to her. 

The evening progressed without further interrogations from her colleagues. Everyone else had either moved back to the bar, or the dance floor. She could feel Mulder looking at her, watching for her next move. She turned, holding his gaze, not backing down from whatever they were doing. 

“Would you like to dance, Scully?” 

“I’d love to Mulder.” She smiled at him as he led her onto the floor. They found their rhythm, as they always did, always together. He was watching her, she could feel his gaze burning into her already flushed skin. What changed? She needed to know. 

“Can I ask...why you’ve been -” She was almost scared to finish her sentence, as if he would come to his senses, and push her as far away as possible again. 

“I don’t know. I - something changed, as I was reading your notes. I felt things, for you, that I didn’t think would ever resurface.” 

“What notes did you read?” 

“Specifically? The zombie case, on New Year’s.” Her cheeks blushed furiously, she remembered. It was practically a poem in and of itself, talking about new beginnings, and second chances. She had hoped that his kiss meant that he loved her, and they would be able to survive him finding out the truth. She had planned to tell him, that night as he had her pinned against the door the best he could with one arm handicapped. He kissed her with such ferocity, such passion, she could feel herself melting away with her worries. 

“Oh.” 

“It just, it made me realize the inner battle that you were fighting, every day. If anything, it highlighted how much you loved me, and I complicated that when I kissed you.” 

“I don’t regret our relationship furthering.” She assured quickly, she could already see the doubt clouding his mind. “I do wish I would have told you sooner, but I don’t regret...us.” 

“I believe that.” 

“That’s what caused this, shift?” 

“I couldn’t stop reading, I finished everything up until Oregon. Scully, I know I’ve been, a mess, and I just wanted to say sorry.” 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Mulder. I was the one in the wrong, and you were upset. I’m glad we’ve been able to at least make it here, to starting over.” She reached up to cradle his face tenderly, leaning in as her hand cupped his cheek. 

She saw it in his eyes before it happened. He glanced from their locked gaze to her lips, and then back up again. There was a gleam in his eyes that she’s had the pleasure to experience before, usually sans clothes. He nodded, leaning in to meet her lips with his own. It was a chaste kiss, a first kiss in a way. When he pulled back, she smiled at him, as he did at her. For them to be in this flirting, dating stage again was ridiculous, but she would do whatever was necessary. 

She bowed her head again, breaking their moment as she began to feel unnerved under his intense gaze. He had only started looking at her like that again, everything was still new. Old, but new. They were interrupted from their moment as Dr. Bennett passed by them with a few ‘just partners, mhm.’ Scully chuckled, the color reaching her cheeks again. Before she had the chance to add commentary, Dave was at their side, causing Mulder’s grip on her hips to tighten slightly. 

“May I cut in for one dance?” He flashed them both his winning smile, Scully looking to Mulder for any clue as to how she should proceed. He gave her a tight-lipped smile, stepping aside for Dave to take over. 

He attempted to make small talk, and she gave an uncommitted nod every now and then, her eyes glued to Mulder the entire time. She watched him leaning against the bar, his jaw clenched. She wanted to be hopeful that his behavior was because he was jealous, because he still cared. The soft kiss on her cheek caused her to startle, remembering where she was. She turned to see Dave still lingering above her face, leaning in for another, this time on her lips. 

“Dave.” Her tone warning as she pulled back, shaking her head. 

“I figured that might be the response.” He gave her a sad smile, leaning back from her. “I thought I’d take my shot.” 

“I’m sorry, if I led you on, or -” 

“Dana, really, this was completely on me.” He chuckled at her unease, trying to make her feel more comfortable about the situation. He nodded towards where Mulder was still standing at the bar, meeting their eyes and then turning away again. “At least now I know why my dates have been refused. That partner of yours.” 

She just smiled, nodding in a silent agreement before parting from him altogether. He moved onto his next conquest, and she moved to Mulder’s side. She could feel his mood radiating from him, sighing as she prepared for an argument of sorts. 

“Is that for me?” She teased, bumping his arm with hers. He shrugged, passing the drink to her. She rolled her eyes, did he really think she would just move on because there was a rift between them? “What’s wrong, Mulder?” 

“Nothing. I guess I’m just a little more exhausted than I thought.” 

“We can leave, I’m ready whenever you are.” 

“It’s your event, Scully. I think I’m just going to step outside and get some fresh air for a bit.” He left her standing there, seething. 

How dare he treat her like this. They were making progress, and he was throwing everything out the window simply because he was jealous. Now that she had the moment to ponder the situation, she was angry. He didn’t get to treat her like this. He didn’t get to be so hot and cold on her again. She wasn’t his property, and half the time he acted like he didn’t want her. 

The car ride home was silent, neither knowing what to say. She wanted to tell him to go to hell with his possessiveness. It’s like he wanted her when he thought he was losing her, and she wasn’t going to allow that. When he pulled up to her apartment, she got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. She didn’t offer for him to come inside, she truly didn’t care right now. 

“Scully...Scully?” He called behind her, following as she attempted to escape into her apartment. With the baby at her mom’s all evening, she was thankful for the solitude, until she heard his key turning in the lock. She turned, standing directly in the entrance of the door, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. 

“What the fuck is your problem.” Her tongue was sharp, stopping him in his tracks. This was supposed to be a nice evening for them, and it had turned so quickly. 

“What are you talking about?” His tone was accusatory as he stepped into her space, closing the door behind him. 

“What am I talking about? How about the fact that you’ve been acting like a complete asshole since I accepted one dance with someone else.” 

“Scully, I -” 

“You, what? Because I don’t see how it’s any of your damn business who I associate with outside of work. You think I just dropped you because you don’t want me, that I gave up that easily on us? Nine fucking years, Mulder. You honestly think that I would -” 

“I don’t know! Okay?! I know I’ve been a jerk, and I don’t even think I deserve this second chance, and seeing you with him, it made me think. Maybe I’m holding you back, maybe you’ve moved on, because you’re right, I haven’t exactly been that welcoming in that regard. I just couldn’t stand seeing him with his hands all over you, and when he kissed you on the cheek, I just lost it.” 

“Why does that bother you so much? It’s not like you wa -” 

“You honestly think I don’t want you, Scully?” His eyes were burning as he stepped directly in front of her. She could feel his heavy breaths on her lips, eyes widening with the passion of the moment. “I was jealous, okay? Is that what you want to hear? In case you haven’t caught on Scully, I am still madly, obsessively in love with you, and it’s killing me. I want to love you, I want to be with you, and wake up with you in my bed. I want to tear that dress off you right now, but I can’t. Once I do that, there’s no turning back, and everything that I’ve ever believed in is gone.” 

She didn’t have a response, he was right. They both were, and she was too stubborn to relent on her stance. Their eyes were still locked, neither ready to back down. She took a deep breath, preparing for battle, opening her mouth to do just that. She was stopped by his lips on hers. 

He grabbed the back of her head forcefully, bringing her to him. His free hand was wrapped firmly on her ass, gripping the material in his hands. His tongue dove straight into her mouth, causing a moan to escape her throat. She sighed at the contact, melding them closer together. They had made love, a total of 3 times, and had had a few make out sessions along the way, but this, he had never kissed her like this. Before she had time to process everything, he disconnected from their embrace, and walked out her door without another word.

* * *

MULDER  
DECEMBER 2001

He didn’t know what overtook him. It was a concoction of everything. Seeing her in that dress, spending a nice evening together, jealousy. He sulked, slumping against his seat in the car. She was right, he didn’t have the right to act like an envious jerk, given that he was constantly pushing her away. When he kissed her while they danced, he felt like it was old times, like maybe he could truly allow himself to love and trust her again. The trust was the only issue lingering around them, creating an ambiguous cloud of emotions. 

He sighed, wanting to apologize, too proud to concede. He realized with his evening surprise that they hadn’t made plans on who would have the baby the next day. He groaned, grabbing his phone forcefully and pressing one on his speed dial. 

“What?” Her tone was bitter, knowing it was him. 

“I’m sorry.” It was a simple answer, left open for interpretation. 

“What do you want, Mulder?” 

“I - uh, we never discussed who would have William tomorrow. Normally, I’d have him until Sunday, but -” 

“Where are you?” 

“I’m in my car.” 

“You’re still here? You don’t sound like you’re driving.” He could hear her moving around, glancing towards her window to see the blinds shift. “Mulder, come back inside, it’s late.” 

Before he could object, she hung up the phone, everything more complicated when he was just looking for a simple answer. He sat for a few more minutes, playing the pros and cons of each option. He could risk her being more pissed off, and drive home. But that would only lead to him not seeing William until next week. He slammed his hand against the steering wheel, making his way back into her apartment. 

He used his key, she knew he was coming, so it didn’t feel as strange. She came from the bedroom, clad in flannel pajamas, ready for whatever this was about to be. A fight? A casual discussion of what days are whose? He didn’t know. 

“You want to talk?” 

“No, not talk. It’s just late, you shouldn’t be driving home right now.” She dismissed the questions she could see in his eyes, locking the door behind him, going about her nightly routine. 

“William.” 

“What about him?” 

“Do you want me to take him home with me tomorrow? I can keep him an extra day, and bring him back on Monday.” 

“That’s Christmas Eve, just keep him until Tuesday, if you can, and then bring him when you come to my mom’s.” She said with a nonchalance that was unnerving to him. She was just screaming at him not 5 minutes ago. “Unless, you - uh, changed your mind about coming?” 

He sighed, stepping towards her. Her eyes were expectant, anticipating his touch. He placed his hands gingerly on her arms, cradling her in a comforting way. There were silent apologies passing through their gaze, the small strokes of his hands on her. 

“I’m sorry, I know I was being a jerk.” 

“I don’t want to argue with you, Mulder. We were doing so well.” 

“I know, I know.” He pulled her into him slightly, relieved when she stepped into the embrace willingly.

“I hate this.” It was just a whisper, but he could hear every emotion lacing her words. 

“There are some things that I still need to work out.” He paused, seeing her face fall. “But I meant what I said, Scully. I do love you, I do want you.” 

She wordlessly nodded at his admission, clearly at a loss for words. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, not ready for anything more again. He wasn’t going going to be presumptuous, so he took his spot on the couch as he did the several times when the baby was first born. 

The next morning, he woke early, exhausted from their fight the night before. He heard her moving around in the kitchen, peering his head up to see her making coffee and humming something unintelligible. She paused when she saw him, a small smile appearing on her face. He was starting to enjoy waking up to her, watching her partake in these mundane home tasks. 

“Good morning, Scully.” His voice was raspy, still waking from his slumber. 

“Hey.” He loved when she smiled at him, like they both could come back from what they had done. “My mom will be here soon, with William.” 

“I’ve been thinking.” 

“Uh oh.” She teased, sitting beside him on the couch, offering him a cup of coffee as well. 

“What if - I want you to come back to the house, with me, and William.” There, it was time he laid it out there. Reading her notes on how their intimate relationship developed made him realize how much he truly missed that side of her. Their personal connection was never part of the plan, that was all her own doing. Something she couldn’t fight, something that just happened. 

“You want me to - stay? At the house?” 

“I want to spend more than a day during the holidays with my family. I figured we could pick out a tree, and decorate a little, and -” He paused, hearing her sniffle. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and he immediately assumed that this was all too much for her. “I’m sorry, I just thought -” 

“No, no.” He felt her hand cover his, squeezing for further reassurance. “It’s just a little overwhelming, given where we are. I don’t know if I can handle letting myself make assumptions of what this could mean for us.” 

He squeezed her hand back, it was a fair argument. He consistently strung her around, being tender with her one day, arguing the next. It was driving him insane, just as he imagined it was her as well. Trusting her again wasn’t going to be easy, but with their child involved, he knew she was on his side every step of the way. They could do this, they just had to start somewhere. 

“Make the assumptions, Scully.” His voice was low, but confident. Her head snapped up to meet his eyes, trying to read the truth behind his statement. After holding his gaze for a moment, she exhaled deeply, relieved. He loved her, and he meant it.

* * *

SCULLY  
DECEMBER 31, 2001

She was exhausted, the hospital was a madhouse all weekend, carrying over into the holiday itself. Being the resident pathologist meant she was called in to deal with the insanity of the drunken holiday. Mulder had the baby all weekend, and she missed him. Missed them both. 

Following Christmas at her mother’s, her and Mulder had moved towards what she hoped was more of a relationship. She spent more nights at the house when she didn’t have to work early, and he occasionally stayed over at her apartment, too. There were good night kisses, and small grazes as they sat together on the couch, enjoying simple movie nights. 

“Dr. Scully, there’s another one for you.” A nurse came in, wheeling another body her way. Her shoulders slumped, she was really hoping to get home and ring in the new year with her boys, but glancing up at the clock and seeing the 10:35 PM staring back at her, told her otherwise. 

“Mulder.” 

“Hey, it’s me.” 

“What’s up, Doc? You sound tired.” 

“I’m exhausted, and I don’t think I’ll be getting out of here any time soon.” She sighed, tying her hair up to prep for yet another autopsy. 

“You’re not going to make it for the countdown?” He sounded disappointed, and it tugged at her heart. 

They were both looking forward to this holiday, given what’s expected at midnight. She thought this could really be a new beginning for them, the start of a new year in more of a relationship than she ever thought they’d have again. Having to work all day, and now missing that midnight expectation of a kiss was truly breaking her heart. 

“I’ll try my best. I wanted to be there with you, tonight. Both of you.” 

“I know. We’ll miss you if you don’t make it.” 

“I should get going, hopefully this will be my last one.” She said nothing more, hanging up to avoid any further disappointment. 

After her autopsy was complete, she glanced up at the clock...12:14 AM. She let out a heavy sigh, dragging her feet to the locker rooms to change. They had already told her this was her last one for the evening, and whoever was on graveyards would do any others that came in. She was appreciative of that at least. 

As she changed, stuffing her personal belongings in her purse, she noticed her phone flashing that she had a voicemail. She smiled, seeing the time it was left, knowing exactly who it was from without having to look. 

“Happy New Year, Scully. We just wanted to call, and tell you that. Although, I may be alone in my celebrations, the spawn passed out in a milk induced coma about an hour ago. Hopefully you’re home soon. I’ll see you later.” 

She smiled at his message, listening to it once more as she briskly made her way to the car. She relished in his use of ‘home,’ as if it was hers, too. There were no discussions about whether or not she would eventually live there, she was just glad she was welcome. 

When she pulled up to the house, the windows were all dark, and her brow furrowed. She pouted slightly, wondering if Mulder had fallen asleep in the time it took her to get back. Tomorrow was her day off, and she couldn’t be more excited, hoping to lounge around with her family all day. She just wished she was here to celebrate tonight as well. 

She laid her purse on the table in the living room, shedding her coat and tossing it over a chair. The kitchen was just as dark as the main area, no lights coming from his office. Where the hell was he? The exhaustion kicking in, she trudged upstairs, going to her room, seeing his bedroom dark as well. She would have to celebrate New Years with him tomorrow. She ran a soft hand over the baby’s head, seeing him in a deep slumber. It took a moment for her tired mind to process everything, her eyes now fully adjusted to the dark. Her bed was gone. As were her clothes from the drawers, and the closet. Now she was confused. 

She was too tired for this, and her frustration began to rise. She pushed open his bedroom door, about to ask him what the hell was going on, before she saw it. Her pillow was on the usual side of the bed that she slept on, only in his bed, resting next to where he was fast asleep. There was a gray, cotton t-shirt of his on the bed, waiting for her. It was her favorite one, and she refused to give it back. She smiled, biting back her emotions as her teeth held her lip. After slipping out of her clothes, she let the oversized garment fall over her, and snuck into the bed. 

“Mulder.” It was only a whisper, and she didn’t want to wake him, but she needed to know. She nudged his arm slightly, repeating his name. 

“Hmph.” He moaned in protest, before turning to face her. “Oh, hey, Scully. You finally made it home.” His eyes were still mostly closed, almost as if he were talking in his sleep. 

“My bed seems to be missing.” 

“Is that so? Huh, must be an x-file.” 

“Mulder, you couldn’t have just, left me a note?” 

“I’ve always been one for the theatrics, Scully.” His voice was low, and she loved him like this. She scooted herself closer to him, inching her way towards his face. It was a dejavu of their first time together, those same anxious emotions coming to surface. 

“Am I to assume that all of my clothes have somehow made their way into this room as well?” 

“That would be a smart assumption.” He smiled, as did she. Even in the dark she could make out the hazel in his eyes, glistening in the sliver of moonlight that crept its way into the room. 

They laid there, gazing at each other for longer than she thought she’d be able to keep her eyes open. He must have sensed her exhaustion, because he leaned forward, face lingering above hers. There was a gleam in his eyes, one that she thought would never return when he looked at her. He leaned down, and met her lips with his in the softest of kisses. She wanted more, but he was in control. Sometimes their kisses were deeper, longer and sometimes they were chaste, and quick. This one was perfect. The ideal kiss to represent a new beginning for them. It always started with a kiss. 

“Happy New Year, Scully.” 

“Happy New Year, Mulder.” 


End file.
